Residual Effects - the secret of heritage and healing

The fourth round of chemo has come and now nearly gone it was a bit tougher to recover from this one. I am discovering, somewhat painfully, that there is indeed a thing called residual effects associated with the chemo process. This and next round brings us to a decision point of a stem cell transfer, or a Rituxan maintenance regime, or/and other and continued alternative therapies and lifestyle changes. We will be doing more research and consulting on these options over the next three weeks. But for now, life is good, so good and I count my blessings daily for life, love, faith, family and you who take an interest in our heritage in the making. I have had some insights that may help you in your own heritage and healing.

We had a wonderful family reunion at the lodge this month. The whole family gathered and celebrated with the traditions we have come to love and a review of the values we share and cherish. We rode the ATVs over the top of the mountain on the Skyline Drive. We took in the panorama of beauty and inspiration of the vibrantly colored wild flowers, breathed deeply the crisp morning mountain air of nearly 10,000 feet. And we drank in the cold spring waters and near intoxicating fragrance of the horehound hillside that surrounds the Sheepherder's potty.

Then on the boat we skimmed across the reservoir to our favorite fishing spot and listened to the grandchildren (and their parents) scream with delight as the big trout challenged their patience and then skills. The pictures will only verify the size and the memories long after the grill goes cold and the last morsel of lemon-peppered fillet is forgotten.

But, when the Cloward's meet, they eat! And we had some great feasts that always begin and end with all the family members working together creatively and joyfully in the kitchen and around the campfire. But the kitchen was not the only place we found joy in working together. At the lodge there is always work and projects. It is a never ending project to build and live in a log home in the wilds where nature and the elements combine and are largely left to decorate and landscape. So, there was wood to move, cut and haul. And there were weeds to pull and flowers to gather. For the grandkids, the rewards are ATV riding time, treasure hunts interspersed with grandpa's heritage stories about near-death miracles -- getting shot, crushed by a tractor roll-over, nearly drowned (twice), frozen to death and now the mysteries, magic and miracles of mantle cell lymphoma. The clues and the surprises (complements of Krysti) were great rewards of the adventure of the treasure hunt. But the deepening of family ties and the stories of struggle, prayer and faith, will long outlive the toys and goodies.

Family Reunions are always heritage in both the making and the celebrating. This year's gathering, however, added a new challenge and opportunity for growth, understanding and deepening of understanding and the ties that bind us together. It was a powerful lesson in another kind of "residual effects."

In our late night adult discussions with the siblings, we discovered that there had been holes in our vision, understanding and parenting over the years that had left some members of the family with some unprocessed, painful, memories, questions and misunderstandings. In pulling those bits of heritage past from the attic and clearing the dust and refocusing on the images, we were able to work through the meaning of the memories. Reopening old wounds can be both painful and healing. The pain comes to both the injured and to the offender. The healing comes from the understanding , acknowledgment, forgiveness and increased love from both. Hindsight can reveal both reality and misperception. It can reveal what was not understood, intended, or even real.

Once these "out-of-focus" or missed memories are revisited, the clarification and re-focusing can give new understanding, clarification of significance and meaning. While unintended injuries cannot be undone, the "lancing" and "venting" under the spirit of trust and love can provide needed healing and new depth to security of the relationships.

The "aha" of the process for me was the realization that heritage, that which occurred in the past and which we carry forward, can be the product of misunderstanding, or misinterpretation. More importantly, it can be "re-interpreted" correctly, or where necessary, its residual effects can be resolved and even changed from negative to positive, pain to joy, from limitation to empowerment. The residual effect of what was done, or not, done to meet the needs or build the heritage in the past can be the basis for building a stronger, positive heritage in the present and a more rich family legacy for the future.

I recommend that if you discover or suspect that children, siblings or parents have memories that may be having residual negative, or simply lack of positive effect in your heritage, that you counsel together in the spirit of strengthening your relationships, understanding, forgiveness and love. You surely may use the Cloward story of discovery, pain and healing as a reason to consider, examine and process the residual effects of your own family's past for potential strengthening of your family heritage. After all, its all a matter of the story and our understanding and interpretation of it anyway. So, don't hesitate to rewrite the meaning of your past for a better ending of your story. You to can use the power growing and healing from the residual effects of the journey of heritage making.

Onward and Upward,

Love Doug