Wed Morning: Quiet Thoughts

Greetings,

It was a quite long night. It was restful, but not sleep filled. No pain or anxiety -- contemplation, perspective, and thoughts on the day’s experiences. I am finding myself yearning more each day to express my love for life, for kindness, for people, for service, and for the simple beauties of living. There are have been reflective moments when the veil has thinned, giving me panoramic views that were always there, are always there, if we will look. With those views have come precious understanding about the human family our inner connectedness, and yet a perverse diverseness that divides us from each other. Life has become so very, very simple. Oh, I yearn to have the words to paint the picture of a reality that belongs to each of us, but which we have forgotten in our struggles to be succor and significant. Truly our greatest significance is in our common bond of humanity. Oh, that we would learn.

Yesterday brought three precious moments. During a walk to x-ray, I encountered a little old man and a little old woman, stooped with age and with life -- perhaps in their 80’s. He was holding her hand and smiling gently and walked ever so slowly. I knew that likely before me one or both, would pass—yet there was such joy in their sweetness, in their gentle smile to each other. Then I thought of my own sweetheart, and I smiled. And then standing, looking out the window, I watched the flowering cherry trees as the breeze took the petals to the ground in a ballet of white, flittering beauty. Such a simple view, but such profound beauty. Following the day's transfusions, therapies, meetings with doctors and office coordination, the evening settled with the sun setting, behind my window, on the mountain still covered with snow. The valley lights sparkled brightly. I don’t remember noticing the lights like that before. Bright colored red, green, and blue lights on top of the power station, warning planes away, caught my attention like a child seeing Christmas lights for the first time—awesome, simple, beautiful—they have always been there, but now I notice.

The day ahead: more blood transfusion, but no dialysis. The markers are moving forward positively, the Chemo seems to be doing its job. I will be ready for the rituximab on Friday and likely able to leave the hospital during the weekend. Again, my profound awareness of the many prayers, faith, love, interest reaching hands and hearts that have crossed the miles and the barriers, parted the heavens, secured my health, my family, and I believe, my future, to yet be/do better. Thank you, thank you—my friends and family.

Doug

Tuesday Morning

Greetings again,

The rooster crowed on someone’s farm and my bluebirds on the mountain were undoubtedly calling my name at 5:00 AM this morning. The fish are schooling, the deer are moving back up to the mountain, the foxes are rolling and preparing their dens, and the snowbirds are making room for the hummingbirds. This is a good day of spring. I awoke after having dreamed I was back on the mountain facing the pending attack of a giant bear. As I came to, about 2 AM this morning, I realized the bear was sleeping on the couch in the room, my darling daughter Krysti found she was allergic to her hospital pillow. Her snores would have scared any bear! A quick visit from the nurses’ station scared the bear away and I slept soundly until the rounds of pokes and prods started again. I feel great. I am filled with conditional desire, almost overwhelmingly so, to express the thoughts, feelings, and realizations that continue to flow from this wake up call. We miss so much in the "busy"ness and forget so much in the next item on the agenda that I fear that these precious moments of realization may slip by with all the other memories without truly being savored or shared. But alas, I will pray that the opportunity for quiet moments of deeper reflection and sharing may be granted me, with you, in the days—years ahead.

Doctors report this morning: white blood count continues to drop while the Chemo works. No dialysis today and another day of reprieve before they give me the Rituximab… so onward and upward. I will be doing some planning for the Principle of Leadership for the leadership call, planning for the Leaders Conference, Reunion, Studio expansion and renewed vision of Heritage Maker's real vision, mission, and opportunity. The pause has helped me to crystallize in our minds where we are going, why, and how we will get there, together.

Note: Must comment about the incredible appreciation for family, especially Judy. The quiet strength in her eyes, the gentleness of her squeeze and the confidence, trust, and love—is overwhelming. Be sure today to look your sweetheart in the eyes.

Onward and Upward.

Doug

A Beautiful Sabbath

Greetings from a beautiful Sabbath day!

After last night’s dialysis, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it, but a calm surrender let me sleep and rest until midnight when a shot of lasix had me bouncing in and out of bed relieving the fluids. Even so, the Sabbath dawned brightly and I felt better than I had felt in a long time. My sweetheart at my side with gazes in eyes, squeezes of hands…a reminder that we had yet another day. The doctors determined not to proceed with the Rituxen treatment for fear that my system would not be able to handle the shock. White cell count has dropped to 150,000 (3,000-10,000 is normal) which is a good sign the Chemo is working. The doctor came in to give us the news about the Rituxen and informed he would administer it hopefully midweek after the white cell count has dropped significantly. The prognosis, while day-to-day, appears to be a 21-day cycle for the next round of Chemo, followed by a third, another 21 days out, at which time there will be an evaluation of the progress and consideration of possible trial therapies that may be available including stem cell and perhaps bone marrow transplant.

The day was one of the sweetest of my memory with all family members gathered around, walks in the hallway and even outside, choirs of angel children singing the hymns of Zion and of our childhood--laughter and memories too sweet to describe. Yet I wish that all those who we call family and friends could have been present for the rich outpouring of voices in spirit, memories and love. We had all prayed for a day of miracles. There were so many around the world who we hold dear whose prayers and kind thoughts combined were given to us with miracles of this precious day. Thank you. Thank you!

This afternoon Paul and Becky and family had prepared one of the family’s favorite dishes… Thousand Mile Stew in dutch ovens! They hauled the dutch ovens (via a wheelchair) into the hospital cafeteria where we had a family gathering of a taste of the past and a celebration of the present, to combine hopes and prayers for the future. Paul has been my sidekick counterpart through all these years. He is ever available for help, as is his family.

Following the feast, it was a return to dialysis where the girls serenaded me with two hours of heavenly chorus and other friends and loved ones came to visit. The outpouring of love and reminders of people who care wets my cheeks and my pillows. I feel like I’ve been through four funerals, all for me! They have been wonderful. I highly recommend that each of you should have your funeral before you die. Better yet, make sure that you don’t miss the opportunity with all those who you may not see again, before that notice. Be sure to extend your love and appreciation for their life, contributions, friendship, and love.

I continue to reflect upon the experiences, particularly the past year of insight into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Its wholeness, its miracle, its comfort, and its purpose, and I yearn for those I know who know not what I know, to know. As I look to tomorrow, I’m uncertain of the challenge, but clear of the opportunity to keep swinging, reaching, hoping, praying--WORKING.

If all of this resolves itself and I find myself with more time, I will be a better friend, a more compassionate father and husband, and more committed servant. And I may feel a little foolish for what might otherwise appear to be my own epitaph, but I find the need for expression and healing purposeful. I hope my words ring true and remind you that you are remembered and loved.

‘Til the rooster crows, good night!

Doug

Complete Bliss!

Saturday Morning

Greetings and salutations,

The ship is still at sail with new adventures in life that are better appreciated vicariously than personally. Yesterday’s drilling of three core samples into the pelvis to draw bone marrow samples is not what you would wish for a Friday afternoon adventure. Then being personally introduced to a round of three different poisonous, highly toxic, highly DNA disruptive medications (Chemo) up close and personal leaves one yearning for a breath of cold mountain air.

However supported by loving family, with voices of angels, laughter and loving memories of moments past mingled with the knowledge of a gathering of friends in CA is sustaining. Krysti and Brytt’s safe arrival to my bedside completed the comfort and the security for a relatively quiet night's rest. I woke this morning almost forgetting that I was in the hospital straining to hear the sounds of the birds flocking back to the mountains… the sounds that have been my joyful spring chorus over these last five years. But alas, the realities of the moment, the sounds of the alarms, and the call to more pricks, shots, and pills returned me to the battle front.

In the few moments in between visits, I find my mind sorting the past, filtering the memories, prioritizing the gifts, treasuring the relationships, marveling at the tapestry of my life. Though I don’t stand… I lay all amazed at the love He has offered me. Regrets, few. Wishes, many. Clarity, more. I find myself with greater understanding of the difference between being believing and being unbelieving. I choose and so heartily recommend to those I love and my friends to be believing.

Looking forward, if I could have a closing discussion with each of you I would say these words:
My strongest desire would be for you to know that I know that He lives. The gospel of Jesus Christ has indeed been restored in our day. And He is preparing a people and an organization to receive Him and to work with Him as He returns the tribes of Israel and fulfills every jot and tittle. He has spoken through the mouths of prophets since the world began. This I know and yearn for you to accept my testimony sufficient to ask Him if my testimony is true and then, for you to live according to your testimony of His answer.

Now, on to the possibility that there will yet be a little reprieve before my farewell. My priorities are:

1. More quality time with my wife, walking hand-in-hand, eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart, celebrating the eternal relationship that is ours.
2. Spending quality time with my children and grandchildren—just being together—laughing, singing, playing, working, living, loving, and celebrating.
3. Spending time with the many who are extended family and friends whenever I have the occasion to be in their presence and to express more sincere interest and love, encouragement, and faith.
4. Heritage Makers: Because of these last years, we have set our hands to the plow of building a community of like-minded, family-centered people who share our vision of the divine nature, purpose, and importance of families. Transcending the bounds, fences of doctrine, I would seek opportunity to be in their presence to deliver the treasures of my own family life and revealed truths that can influence theirs. I would hope to yet teach the next Dream Team to a group of leaders whose hearts where prepared to be empowered with principles and truths that would carry on the Heritage Makers vision, mission and legacy.

For those stalwart pioneers who have joined us in the Heritage Makers adventure in the early and difficult days, my sincere appreciation and empathy for the challenge and the faith that has been necessary to birth and nurture this baby while you have struggled to care for your own families. It is my prayer that you will continue to find the strength, focus, compassion and the kindness to work together in a community beyond business, beyond books, and beyond doubt.

These are the thoughts of the morning. More after I rest a bit.

Love,
Doug

Friday: Moving Forward

Greetings and good morning from the good ship Lolly CHOP (CHOP the acronym for the type of Chemo therapy I will begin today)!

Had a relatively calm night with the occasional prods, pricks, shots, rolls, pressures, and friendly bed pans. This is definitely not a cruise you want to take! And I am looking forward to getting my feet back on ground (hopefully not underground).

I am learning much about life, heritage, happiness, purpose, friendship, faith, faithfulness, and prayer. …Feeling great power from God, Christ, friends, and you. Not often in life are we given a wake up call with a bit of time to reflect, and to recall, to remember, and to realize that the precious moments in life are just that -- barely moments. We must never sacrifice visions of grand quality, for quiet moments of priceless peace and connection.

Many of us begin our Heritage Makers journey having recognized an opportunity to snatch a memory from the brink of fading loss. Or we joined for the pleasure of creative outlet, social connection, or fanatical reward. Each of these things individually are worthy and wonderful, yet combined, they are powerful and perfect to enable common folks to facilitate uncommon results in their own lives and the lives of those with whom they will risk a heritage conversation.

Although each of us are at a different place in our life, heritage, and business journey, we must each walk the same trail. That trail undoubtedly brings us in contact with others who are seeking often unknowingly for their own roots, heritage, and to build a legacy of contribution and significance. This is the heritage that leaders can help build. As you walk today, through your trail and your trials, keep your eyes on the horizon for the eyes of others who are looking for you, but just don’t know it--yet. Open your mouth and have a heritage conversation and a miraculous experience.

Onward and upward!

Doug

Thursday Morning.

Greetings Heritage Makers,

From the Intermountain Regional Medical Service Flagship, anchored in Provo Bay, I bring you salutations! With a room upgrade with a porthole view directly out to East Bay where the Heritage Makers Yacht (for Dream Team members it is Y.O.T.) is anchored, I wish I could say that this tour was resulting in a recommendation for our next TAC trip, however, my experience with the cabins has been lest then favorable. The service ratio has been acceptable; however, the galley is deplorable. The onboard entertainment is left to the cries, gowns, bells, mornings, flashings, and occasional nurse’s desk laughter. When the stethoscope clad cruise directors make their rounds, it is not a laughing matter. The adult humor is largely limited to potty talk and urination frequency/color. It’s a real joke. The bartenders keep me supplied with a constant flow of steroids, insulin, and caustic drinks, not on the “recommended list." (I don’t think they would be legal on the outside. All these legal drug pushers are friendly, concerned, and willing to take payment on the backside -- if there is one.) Respiratory Therapist pipes don’t contain crack or other contraband, as far as I know. But seem to keep my air pipes moving. Such it is on the Goodship Provo…

New news today redirects the initial prognosis from CLL to either Mantle or Marginal Cell Lymphoma. We should know which port-of-call we are headed for before the end of the day. Each with its own unique offering from the Chemo bars. Spirits are up, hopes are high. We receive your faith and prayers with gladness. Wish we could give you a hug, look forward to the time we can. Keep the faith, spread the heritage, send the cards, recruit the next generations of Heritage Makers.

More at the next port…

Love,
Doug

(We sent Mom home so she could have some moments with the washer. She is our Editor! So--the grammar/punctuation/spelling on this post, are all brought to you by Bryndi! Ha, ha, I know, it is very sad! FYI, Dad is not kidding about the potty jokes! Good times!)

Ed. Note: Today is May 26th. I am now reading all of Doug's blogs and trying to make them more readable, including this one...ha, ha! (I will add my two cents soon, I promise! ) So much has happened so fast and my heart is so full...thank you ALL for your love and prayers and faith! Through it all, I have gotten back the man I fell in love with 36 years ago! I am so grateful for life and all the wonderful people who continue to bless our lives. Every day is precious. Make each day count. And make sure you tell those you love that you love them. This journey has truly been a blessing in our lives. We are trying to LIVE one day at a time and fill our lives with more joy and health which brings more wonder and delight. "For with God, nothing is impossible." Miracles have not ceased! Life, itself is a miracle. Treasure it, "for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also..." Aren't families GREAT!!! And to be part of the Heritage Makers family is incredible! I sure love my wonderful, thoughtful husband, Doug and I'm so grateful for every day I can share with him.

Forever 'n' Ever! Judy