Lessons from Tears

The last couple of days I have been at the bottom of the Chemo cycle. In terms of blood count, energy, etc. there is a significant drop about a 7-10 days after the treatment. Then I expect the body rebounds and I'll be up better than ever - preparing for the next round. Till then, it's onward and upward to bring heritage home!

One of the last things I do before I leave the bedroom each day is to be sure I have a small pocket comb in my shirt pocket. It is a habit that has been developed over years and reinforced by those rare occasions when I forgot and the wind reminded me that I needed to reposition the tufts of hair. As I put on my shirt and shoes yesterday, I caught myself turning to reach for the comb on the bathroom vanity. I laughed out loud. Later in the afternoon, I went outside to walk to the knoll for a little contemplation time. As I climbed to the crest of the hill to take my traditional seat on the sandstone perch that has become my seat and altar over the years, the wind whipped up and I found myself automatically reaching for the comb in my pocket.
I laughed till I cried! Maybe I should think about marketing a "Chemo comb."

Then this morning, after reviewing the impressions and dreams of the night with Judy, I found her at the vanity blow drying her hair and her tears. And so it is that the subject of my entry today will be what I have learned about tears.

There are different kinds of tears. We have all experienced them and recognize the difference between tears of pain from a skinned knee and a bruised heart and the tears that come from the mother who wipes those tears from the child's eyes. There are tears of anger, tears of frustration and tears of grief and loss. There are also tears of joy and tears of gladness, tears of compassion and tears of quiet reflection -- and there are cleansing tears.

In my life experience, the worst tears are tears of remorse from the realization that you have injured another person - wrongfully. They are tears of guilt from knowing that you caused someone pain. Those tears are most pain-filled when that someone is a loved one. There are also tears of regret from opportunities missed, for time that cannot be recalled for a different choice of words or actions.

On the other hand, the sweetest tears of my life are those that come in response to the selfless acts of others to care for and bless me. They are tears of recognition of the sacrifices and the kindness, especially unmerited kindness and service, that came to my rescue when I could not rescue myself. Such are the tears of testimony of grace, the atonement and forgiveness. These are the tears of humble gratefulness and discovery of unconditional love and kindness. And, there are those occasional, sweetest-of-all-tears, that come when we are the giver of that kindness and love and we see in the eyes of the receiver the healing and the hope and the cleansing that comes from our gift.

In our hectic day-to-day lives, our hurry-ups, fears and frustrations, it is easy to go for long periods without shedding many tears of joy and recognition. It is easy to let stress and emotion build and grow until they boil over -- usually not in cleansing or healing ways, rather in anger and frustration and blaming flows of hot tears. Seldom in our modern, self-serving and securing lives, do we find ourselves in the situation where the experience, the moment, or the conversation brings forth those automatic cleansing tears of joy, of peace and of humanity. We savor those -- cool, healing, refreshing tears of love and compassion. Most of the time we are starving for wet cheeks that need not be wiped to hide the response of our human softness.

These are the tears of so many of our Heritage Makers events. The are the tears of the client receiving her first book. They are the tears of giving that precious acknowledgment of the life legacy to a parent, grandparent or friend. Tears of heritage flow freely as we hear the stories, accept the thanks, see the books and watch their tears. Heritage Makers is not a business of hype, rah-rah, passion for success, wealth and status. Rather, ours is a business of tears -- sweet, priceless tears of compassion, understanding and unity. These are the shared tears of our vision, mission, values and service. They are mixed with tears of laughter, joy and happiness. They are the fruits of lives that have found purpose, contribution and community.

So today, if you would have happiness, success, purpose and joy -- cry. If you would end your day feeling fully fulfilled and enriched -- cry. If you would discover the healing and apply the balm -- cry. Shed a few tears of sorrow, a few of forgiveness, a few of acknowledgment and a few tears of vicarious pain -- cry.

Like dreaming, we often forget how to cry. We build a dam to hold back the pain, the weakness the vulnerability and then we hide behind our toughness, our busyness and our pride. Men are particularly adept at this dehumanizing and joy-robbing process. Sadly, even some parents try to turn off the child's tear-machine. Taunting friends and an unfeeling world make tears synonymous with weakness. They declare tears unwelcome.

To overcome the world -- cry. To stand stronger, more confident and secure -- cry. To know that you are real and of worth, welcome your tears -- cry. And if you would cry, remember. Write and share your stories -- your tears. If you would experience the the healing, automatic, calming, cleansing tears of compassion, the tears of power and purpose -- help them find, write and share their stories - their heritage.

Today I hope you have a good cry and that your tears bring and share the joy of heritage.

Onward and upward.

Love

Doug