Lessons from Tears

The last couple of days I have been at the bottom of the Chemo cycle. In terms of blood count, energy, etc. there is a significant drop about a 7-10 days after the treatment. Then I expect the body rebounds and I'll be up better than ever - preparing for the next round. Till then, it's onward and upward to bring heritage home!

One of the last things I do before I leave the bedroom each day is to be sure I have a small pocket comb in my shirt pocket. It is a habit that has been developed over years and reinforced by those rare occasions when I forgot and the wind reminded me that I needed to reposition the tufts of hair. As I put on my shirt and shoes yesterday, I caught myself turning to reach for the comb on the bathroom vanity. I laughed out loud. Later in the afternoon, I went outside to walk to the knoll for a little contemplation time. As I climbed to the crest of the hill to take my traditional seat on the sandstone perch that has become my seat and altar over the years, the wind whipped up and I found myself automatically reaching for the comb in my pocket.
I laughed till I cried! Maybe I should think about marketing a "Chemo comb."

Then this morning, after reviewing the impressions and dreams of the night with Judy, I found her at the vanity blow drying her hair and her tears. And so it is that the subject of my entry today will be what I have learned about tears.

There are different kinds of tears. We have all experienced them and recognize the difference between tears of pain from a skinned knee and a bruised heart and the tears that come from the mother who wipes those tears from the child's eyes. There are tears of anger, tears of frustration and tears of grief and loss. There are also tears of joy and tears of gladness, tears of compassion and tears of quiet reflection -- and there are cleansing tears.

In my life experience, the worst tears are tears of remorse from the realization that you have injured another person - wrongfully. They are tears of guilt from knowing that you caused someone pain. Those tears are most pain-filled when that someone is a loved one. There are also tears of regret from opportunities missed, for time that cannot be recalled for a different choice of words or actions.

On the other hand, the sweetest tears of my life are those that come in response to the selfless acts of others to care for and bless me. They are tears of recognition of the sacrifices and the kindness, especially unmerited kindness and service, that came to my rescue when I could not rescue myself. Such are the tears of testimony of grace, the atonement and forgiveness. These are the tears of humble gratefulness and discovery of unconditional love and kindness. And, there are those occasional, sweetest-of-all-tears, that come when we are the giver of that kindness and love and we see in the eyes of the receiver the healing and the hope and the cleansing that comes from our gift.

In our hectic day-to-day lives, our hurry-ups, fears and frustrations, it is easy to go for long periods without shedding many tears of joy and recognition. It is easy to let stress and emotion build and grow until they boil over -- usually not in cleansing or healing ways, rather in anger and frustration and blaming flows of hot tears. Seldom in our modern, self-serving and securing lives, do we find ourselves in the situation where the experience, the moment, or the conversation brings forth those automatic cleansing tears of joy, of peace and of humanity. We savor those -- cool, healing, refreshing tears of love and compassion. Most of the time we are starving for wet cheeks that need not be wiped to hide the response of our human softness.

These are the tears of so many of our Heritage Makers events. The are the tears of the client receiving her first book. They are the tears of giving that precious acknowledgment of the life legacy to a parent, grandparent or friend. Tears of heritage flow freely as we hear the stories, accept the thanks, see the books and watch their tears. Heritage Makers is not a business of hype, rah-rah, passion for success, wealth and status. Rather, ours is a business of tears -- sweet, priceless tears of compassion, understanding and unity. These are the shared tears of our vision, mission, values and service. They are mixed with tears of laughter, joy and happiness. They are the fruits of lives that have found purpose, contribution and community.

So today, if you would have happiness, success, purpose and joy -- cry. If you would end your day feeling fully fulfilled and enriched -- cry. If you would discover the healing and apply the balm -- cry. Shed a few tears of sorrow, a few of forgiveness, a few of acknowledgment and a few tears of vicarious pain -- cry.

Like dreaming, we often forget how to cry. We build a dam to hold back the pain, the weakness the vulnerability and then we hide behind our toughness, our busyness and our pride. Men are particularly adept at this dehumanizing and joy-robbing process. Sadly, even some parents try to turn off the child's tear-machine. Taunting friends and an unfeeling world make tears synonymous with weakness. They declare tears unwelcome.

To overcome the world -- cry. To stand stronger, more confident and secure -- cry. To know that you are real and of worth, welcome your tears -- cry. And if you would cry, remember. Write and share your stories -- your tears. If you would experience the the healing, automatic, calming, cleansing tears of compassion, the tears of power and purpose -- help them find, write and share their stories - their heritage.

Today I hope you have a good cry and that your tears bring and share the joy of heritage.

Onward and upward.

Love

Doug

Understanding and Building a Heritage of Love: The Rest of the Story

WARNING! Disclaimer: Read this blog post (by Judy) at your own risk. You must read Doug’s blog entry entitled, “Understanding and Building a Heritage of Love,” FIRST, then mine.
This post is in response to his queries. You’ll understand. Tissues are advisable. Allow enough time. I am a detail-oriented person. I love to proofread, deep clean drawers and WEED! Assuming most who read my post will be female, I will continue. It’s all in the details, right?!


Saturday, May 27, 1972…a day that changed my life forever! In writing this down, I am realizing the strong heritage threads that helped me along my path to Doug. Here is my brief version of our love story, filled with my heritage-rich values and traditions.

As Doug said, I was VERY naïve (and gullible)! I was a city girl and lived in Arlington, Virginia my whole life until I married Doug. I knew nothing of hunting, fishing, animals or pets (except one carnival-won goldfish who met its fate when I cleaned the fishbowl out in the sink).
My brother had a parakeet “Greeny” who could wolf whistle and say, “I hate school,”
“Pretty baby,” and “I love you!” We found Greeny dead in his cage upon returning from a family vacation.

I loved life and learning, the English language, math, music, the outdoors, sewing, sports, cooking, writing, handicrafts, and people. I loved the Savior and my religion was my life. I was very obedient, excelled in school and anything I pursued. I began singing acapella with my three sisters when I was 5 years old and we won a county-wide talent show singing
“The Toothbug Song.”

All my siblings and parents were college graduates and served missions. I always planned to serve a mission and graduate from college. This kept my interests focused on my future and helped me avoid the high school love life. Classical music, the Beach Boys (thanks to my brother!) and the Carpenters were favorites.

I received a special blessing when I was 10 years old and always felt from then on that I would know immediately the man I was to marry when I met him. This blessing influenced my words, my actions, and my prayers. I received subsequent blessings as I requested them and they all were a significant help throughout my teenage years. Because I fell in love so easily (I was boy crazy), these blessings kept me on the straight and narrow. As I would date, I would think,
“Is he the one or a possibility?” If I couldn’t answer yes, I wouldn’t date the guy again. (I didn’t feel it was fair to lead him on if I already knew I wouldn’t be marrying him.) So I dated a lot of young men, but the majority, only once. Because of my standards and receiving “no” answers to my prayers, I broke several hearts along the way (…Ben, Archie, John, Joel, Bob, Wayne, Lee…)

I always looked for the good in others. I truly loved everyone. Some of my favorite family sayings and mottos were:
• If you can’t find something nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.
• Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.
• A person doesn’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care.
• I am, I can, I will!
• Choose you this day whom ye will serve….but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)

My parents were entrepreneurs. My father’s work involved a lot of travel and he was a 2-million-miler on the airlines (like my future husband—an omen to come). He, too, wasn’t home most of the time, so I, too, was raised mainly in a single-parent home (another preparatory step for me). My parents had 4 beautiful daughters and one good-looking son. They wanted to help us avoid life’s pitfalls by setting high standards for our family. Everyone around us was not of our faith. I was in the world but not of the world. Our meals were very simple and nutritious but highly unorthodox (and pretty flavorless!). I rarely saw a doctor and had my first and only dentist visit as a senior in H.S.

I had high standards and chose to live by them:
• Wear modest clothing.
• Do not swear nor use foul language.
• Do not drink coffee, tea, alcohol, smoke, or do drugs
• Do not date until I’m 16 and start with group dates.
• No bear hugs, holding hands, arms around your back, huggy-bear dancing, and no kissing.
(I was saving my kisses for my husband, my one and only!)
• Know how to get answers to my prayers.
• Marry for time and all eternity in God’s temple.

Unlike Doug, I liked to flirt. I figured flirting was safe because I wouldn’t date until I was 16. Lots of guys really liked me but I just considered them great friends. My first “love” was in 9th Grade. The first time I saw Lynn singing in a choir, I thought I saw a glow about him. From then on I just “knew” Lynn was the one meant for me! He was tall, handsome, spiritual, had great standards and was a great ballroom dancer. He lived three cities away so I became his “secret admirer” and sent him notes, letters, and homemade goodies via a family friend. Every time I sang the romantic Carpenters songs, I thought about Lynn. (I was really nuts over him!) Kids were teasing both of us about liking each other so when we were both old enough to finally date, we never did! Lynn never even called me – EVER! I was totally crushed. He crushed my crush on him for good! (Can’t blame him, I must have seemed like a stalker or something!) My other 9th Grade “love” was Tim. I always knew I could never marry him because he was like a brother to me. He was so incredible, spiritual, mature, wise, smart, and again, a great dancer. We entered a regional church dance contest and won (as did Lynn and his dance partner). Boy, was I in heaven! The winners were sent to Annapolis to dance!!! I was able to dance with Lynn 4x that dreamy night! My mother was always hoping I’d marry Tim someday. My whole family loved him. It never crossed my mind. He was just my best guy friend till I married Doug.

My 2nd semester at BYU, I fell in love with Lee, a 25-yr-old navy man who was short, dark, handsome, kind, spiritual, not a dancer, but that’s another story. We dated 3 months, (my first official kiss during that time) and he wanted to marry me. When I prayed about him, I received a definite “no” answer. So I broke his heart and we went our separate ways. I am so grateful for faith and standards that helped me to remain clean and pure for my future husband, Doug!

I wanted to give you a perspective of how I was raised and what was important to me. So now I will add my memories of our first fairy-tale encounter 36 years ago…

I remember when Doug called me and asked me out on my first (and to become my last) blind date. My apartment was SO noisy. It was dinnertime and my five roommies were all in the kitchen (where the only phone resided). I took the landline phone receiver and stretched the phone cord as far as it would go, just beyond the kitchen door. There I sat with one hand to my ear and my back to the door, trying to decipher Doug’s deep-throated voice. I had never heard such a deep voice before! It intrigued me. I don’t remember the conversation lasting very long and I was somewhat ticked that I was having a hard time hearing everything he said because of the kitchen commotion.

BYU ended that week. I was in the process of deep-cleaning our apt for final inspection before I made my 3-day car trip back to Virginia. I was at my heaviest weight then. (Now that I’m “antique” [over 50 yrs old] my weight has gained more acceptance!) I figured that it was a free meal and he’d never be interested in me as heavy as I was, so I quickly got dressed for our double-date. I don’t remember showering for it or anything. It was a date up the canyon to eat a cow his family had raised and killed. This seemed so barbaric to me. I was going to eat a cow steak?! I couldn’t comprehend it. I certainly wasn’t looking forward to eating COW!! [I must explain. I was raised with little meat protein. Chili, stew, chicken soup, cottage cheese with fruit cocktail, scrambled eggs and mac&cheese with peas and Vienna sausages were basic dinner meals. We consumed milk, eggs and cheese. Pork chops were my dad’s specialty several times a year.] I wore my light-brown hair in braids and don’t remember putting on much, if any, makeup. It was a one-time, never-to-be-seen again date and I really didn’t know anything about Doug, but I loved Arlene and trusted her.

On the way over to Mapleton, I asked Arlene what Doug was like. She told me that he was tall, blonde (I thought ‘Oh, dear, he’s probably good looking, too—he’ll never remember me!’), and a spiritual giant. (This last quality REALLY impressed me. He was sharp! I figured I didn’t have a chance with him and didn’t give it any more thought.)

When I met Doug, he was good looking! Seemed very mature. Deep thinker. Quiet.
I don’t remember much at all about our picnic in the canyon except the canal and the cow. When we were hopping back and forth across the canal (which was foreign to me) I remember thinking how sneaky Doug was. I NEVER held hands with a guy, especially on a first date. (Remember, I usually only settled for first dates!) Chivalry? I don’t think so. However, it was sweet that he offered to take my hand so I wouldn’t fall in and get wet…and it felt SO good! (although it seemed that the “canal” was more like a cement irrigation ditch that I could have crossed by myself…!) I was really impressed with our cow picnic. The meat didn’t look like a cow at all (I didn’t realize that cow and beef were the same thing) and tasted so good!

As for the movie, Kidnapped, I had never read the book. I was totally clueless! The movie was SO confusing to me. I kept bugging Doug and asking him what was going on. (Never would recommend that movie for sure!)

Walking around the Provo Temple grounds was the best part of my blind date. Like Doug, I learned so much about what we both thought and yearned for and hoped for. When we got back to the Vaughn’s VW, we couldn’t see inside—the glass windows were thoroughly fogged over!

I remembered Doug taking me home alone in the car. (Vaughn wanted more time with his soon-to-be fiancé, alone!) What I do remember is Doug putting his arm around me. This felt so good but I had never let a boy do that with me, EVER before! And on a first date?! I even moved over to the middle of the bench seat! (What was I thinking? I knew I was going to marry him!) I would ask Doug a question about himself or his family and he immediately asked me the same questions! So I did what any naïve girl would do -- I answered his questions (which were really my questions for him)! By the time he dropped me off, he knew everything about me and I knew nothing about him. Funny thing was I was totally enamored by him! Doug made me feel so special. I don’t remember the kisses at the door at all (they must not have knocked me off my feet).

I do remember thinking how I had dated really sharp guys but they all seemed to pale in comparison to Doug. I wrote in my journal that night, “I met a wonderful man tonight. His name is Doug Clower?...” I didn’t even know how to spell or pronounce his last name! I only remembered his first name, a name I would come to love and revere and honor. But I did know that my body was feeling the effects of one incredible night! When I kneeled by my bed to say my prayers, I asked, “Is he the one I’m supposed to marry?” That was all I said about Doug. And I slept peacefully, until 6 am! I was suddenly awakened by different voices coming into my mind saying, “He’s the one you’re to marry. Don’t counsel the Lord. He knows what’s best for you,” etc etc etc. These voices continued until 7am when I said in my mind, “OK. I’ll marry him!” At that moment, the voices left and I got up. For the next six hours, I felt as though I was in a different dimension. I was on the earth but truly felt like I was apart from it. I went to church and had this high vibrational feeling the whole time. It felt like the powerful feeling I’ve had when I’m testifying of the Savior to someone but 100x stronger. I can’t explain it. I only knew that it was real and I had had a direct answer to my humble prayer. I have never experienced that kind of intense, overpowering feeling since.

Boy, I was so excited to see the man I knew I was going to marry! At 1pm that afternoon, Doug came to the door of my apt and offered me his hand. When I took hold of his hand, this high vibrational feeling left and I was relieved to be on “earth” again.

While he drove me to Cascade Springs, I remember looking at him differently. After all, I was looking at my future husband! I wondered what the day would come and I was just taking everything in as we talked and sang a lot of church hymns in the car. As we neared Cascade Springs, Doug asked me to close my eyes (he didn’t want me to see Cascade Springs), which I did. He didn’t put a scarf around my eyes, he simply asked and I obeyed. The following experience taught me all that I would ever want or need to know about Doug’s “core”—who he really was. For the next 20 min Doug lead me on a trail through Cascade Springs with my eyes closed. (I never even tried to peek! I trusted him.) At times he would hold my hand, other times, not, as I tried to find my own way on a “sightless” path. I could hear rushing water by my feet. Sometimes Doug would take a tin can with a rock inside and shake it back and forth.
I was to walk alone and follow the sound (a still, small “voice”). Other times he would hold a stick and have me hold onto the stick as we walked through this little paradise. Periodically, Doug would have me stop and ask me to try and visualize what my eyes couldn’t see. At the end of walk, he asked me to open my eyes and not say a word. I did so. (We were at the beginning of our walk.) What I saw was unbelievable to me. I thought Utah was dry and desolate and ugly, but before my eyes was a vision of green plants, flowers and trees with a rock-lined stream that meandered by a very narrow dirt path (which had some steep drop-off areas!) through this oasis in the middle of a desert mountain! He then took me by the hand and led me on the path we had just walked, in silence, stopping me once again to try and remember what I had visualized before. It was more than I had imagined possible in this dry place. (Utah was desolate, or so I thought, and you had to plant trees. In Virginia you had to remove trees to plant houses!)

After that experience, I felt like I had known him forever. He was my best friend. I felt as though there was nothing more I could learn about Doug. We were soul mates.

We didn’t talk much on our way back to the Provo Temple that evening. It was as though I could read Doug’s thoughts. Talking wasn’t necessary. Listening with my heart and head was enough. Sitting in the car by the temple grounds, Doug asked me, “If I were to ask you to marry me, what would you say?” I responded, “I’d have to say yes, because I know I’m supposed to marry you!” Doug then asked, “May I kiss you?” I said, “Yes, because I know I’m supposed to marry you.” (Dumb, huh! I was SO not romantic at a potentially romantic moment!) Then Doug gave me a kiss.

At this point you need to know that “Cinderella” was my favorite fairy tale. I knew my prince charming would come some day and sweep me off my feet and carry me away to his palace and we’d live happily ever after. Well, my prince charming had come but the kiss didn’t sweep me off my feet. I was always expecting fireworks or bells or something fantastic. Nada. Doug asked me again if he could kiss me. I said, “Yes because I know I’m supposed to marry you but nothing happened the first time!” So, he kissed me a second time. Mind you, our lips were pursed shut (fortunately!). Nothing happened the second time. Well, Doug asked me a third time if he could kiss me and I said, “Yes.” We kissed. He stopped having to ask me after that kiss and I stopped counting… (Years later I asked Doug how he knew how to kiss? He said he had practiced on the few girls he had dated before me – they taught him how! The nerve of him! Here I was saving ALL my great kisses for him!...good thing I didn’t think to ask him about his kissing that night!)
We then discussed what names we wanted to give our children, how many, when we were going to get married, which temple, etc etc etc. [Remember, I was leaving for VA for the summer and we had so little time to discuss these important topics!] Doug was planning on ROTC so we considered getting married in August. I remember telling Doug, “Just because you’re the right one doesn’t mean it’s the right time. I have to pray about it!” And, pray about it, I did. Now that’s another story!

I knew who I was going to marry at 19. Females leave on missions at 21. I figured the Lord wouldn’t tell me who I was going to marry at 19 unless he wasn’t planning on me serving a mission for Him at 21. I only had one year of college and the prospects of getting my degree before I married wasn’t in the picture. I was already SO in love with Doug!!!

In hindsight, I’ve always thought it was great that the Lord let Doug know he was going to marry me when he saw me. Had he have really known what he was getting himself in for, he might have wanted to reconsider! Boy, was I inexperienced, gullible and naïve, which was turned out to be a GREAT thing!!

That night, I called my oldest sister, Bonnie. She and her husband were in Utah visiting his relatives. I told her I knew who I was going to marry. Bonnie responded, “It’s okay, Judy. You’ll be leaving in two days for Virginia. When you get back there, we’ll take care of everything.” I couldn’t believe it. My wise sister who’s valued opinion took me for a loop.
She didn’t believe me! I thought, if SHE didn’t believe me, nobody would! So I vowed I’d keep my mouth shut for the summer (it would be our “secret”) until I could see Doug again at BYU.

The next night we drove to Salt Lake City to return my borrowed cookware to Bonnie. I directed Doug on a wild ride trying to find that SLC address! [It took me one MARRIED year of driving on Utah streets to understand the N,E,S,W street names!] What was only a couple of blocks away to ended up being a 1 ½ hr drive throughout SLC, including a view of the night lights up on the mountain. [I think Doug married me to polish his patience!]

When we parted for the summer, Doug gave me an man’s silver agate ring to wear. The agate reminded me of Cascade Springs—it looked like the trees I had seen. So, he wrapped duct tape around the narrow part so that it would stay on my finger. He was right. Every time I looked at the ring, I immediately was taken back to that magical place. Little did I know that any guy seeing that ring wouldn’t even try and ask me out! Smart, Doug! However, I never wanted to date anyone again. I had found my one and only!!!

During the summer of ’71, Doug would compose guitar music and record it on a cassette tape for me. We had a long-distance, letter-writing and audio-tape relationship. Five-minute phone calls were sparse. And this is just the three-day beginning of the rest of our lives together.
But that’s another story…

One more thing. Remember how I said after Cascade Springs, I knew Doug as well as I ever could? That was true until we married and went grocery shopping. I went for the Grapenuts and Doug went for the Cornflakes! I couldn’t believe it! He didn’t know I liked crunchy and I didn’t know he liked soggy! (I thought for sure this was an omen for rough times ahead!) I thought I knew Doug! We made a compromise—I ate my cornflakes immediately so they stayed crunchy, and Doug sogged his Grapenuts for 5 min before eating them. Whew! That was a close call for me…until I saw Doug put his piece of cake in a bowl and pour milk over it!... :)

Just thought you might be interested in knowing that since I’ve known Doug, I’ve encountered a lot of “first-times” for me:
• Eating an avacado, raw rhubarb and artichoke and discovering their differences
• Discovering the flavors of spices I’d never ever heard of before!
• Eating steak, Mexican food, oysters, crab, fish, clams, frog legs, snake, escargot, calamari, ashcakes, dutch-oven everything (to name a few!)…
• Hunting & fishing and all that went with it!
• Real camping [I only knew KOAs w/showers and toilets]
• Shooting guns, targets and clay pigeons [and they don’t even have wings!]
• Seeing and learning how to spot and call deer, elk and ducks.
• Seeing foxes, rock chucks, ermines and setting traps to catch mice.
• Discovering and learning why some cow pies are green.
• Discovering how flies and chickens mate
• How to cook rice [you don’t stir it for 20 min!]
• Learning how to fry an egg and not serve a Frisbee!
• How to tease and take teasing.
• Rappelling [I was 8 mos pregnant w/our first child and then went Commando style!]
• Discovering the difference between a green pepper and jalepenos!
• Milking a cow and gathering eggs.
• Gathering wild asparagus, mushrooms and watercress.
• Learning that deer, fox and fish live in Virginia of all places!!!
• Riding a snowmobile and four wheeler
• Penicillan, allergies and HIVES!
• Riding in a boat
• Learning what constipation, diarrhea, hemorrhoids and flatulence were!
• Raising dogs.
• Seeing, hearing and feeding hummingbirds from my hand.
• And much, much more!

Looking back 36 years later, would I do it all over again? ABSOLUTELY! (We have six choice children and 9.4 cuter-than-a-bug’s ear, brilliant grandchildren that can to attest to that fact!)
I love Doug. He is my best friend, advisor, confidant, and the one I want to live with through all eternity! Thanks for the listening. Wow! What a guy!!!! Doug is a visionary, a leader and a sensitive, caring, understanding man. Heritage Makers is his love and passion (next to me, of course!) And I think he’s a pretty incredible man!

Love to you all!
Judy

P.S. from Judy…all is WELL

When Doug left for work this morning, he said to me, “I haven’t felt this good in two years!” He has a high tolerance for pain. I guess that tells you how he’s felt in the past. But today is a good day and we are trying harder to live healthy and well.

I have a confession to make…I’ve never been on a blog before, let alone know what one was! I wasn’t able to check out all of Doug’s blogs until now. Boy, have I missed out! I just posted my first comment and it was much easier than I thought! I plan to submit more comments in the future. I’m sure glad Doug is sharing some of the marvelous healing insights he has been having.

I’ve heard through the HM grapevine that people are wondering how Doug’s wife is faring the Mantle Cell storm. I agree with Doug. Mantle Cell is my friend, too. The first 2½ wks were a stretch for all of us. We thought we had lost Doug three times. Certainly I have had my “I’m too young to become a widow” thoughts and “Where are all of the important papers?” and “Where’s my list of what to do?” etc etc etc. But through it all, all is well, all is right. Our family has felt your prayers and faith on our behalf – a balm so desperately needed and so generously given. Thank you for your love and support!

Doug has had symptoms for about a year now, progressively increasing these past six months. His energy level was decreasing, though his Heritage Makers pace remained the same. When he was in the hospital, I had the strong impression that had he have heeded our pleas to get checked out much sooner, he may not have known the whole story and may have continued life as normal. I am so grateful for the wake-up call. Through it all, I have gotten my Doug back, the one I fell in love with 36 years ago!!! We gaze in each others’ eyes more, we dance more, we listen more, we speak in softer tones, our prayers have penetrated the heavens, our faith has increased and we are SO grateful for every moment, hour and day that we still have together. Please make sure you hug those you love and tell them you love them, every day. When it comes down to what’s really important, it’s not things – it’s people. Let them know how their lives have enriched yours. Make each moment count. We do and will continue to.

I am amazed at how creative storycards and storyposts can be! When thoughts are expressed through the written word, they can be reviewed, remembered and can literally heal a broken heart, give strength to the weak and renew love, again and again and again. It’s a written thought expressed that keeps on giving every time it is picked up and read. I hope you realize what a gift you have to give to others by offering them Heritage Makers.

Today’s blog from Doug is a great example of that. He is journaling his life-changing experiences and thoughts through story. It is strengthening our family in times of weakness and putting smiles and chuckles in our day. We can now make these thoughts permanent, through Heritage Makers. Our children will know what our family values and treasures most and can reread and retell these sacred moments with their children. Heritage Makers helps bind a family’s heritage through story. What a life-changing, timely concept!

As for our love story…my next post will be the “rest of our story.” Truly, a dream come true!

Love to you all! Judy

Understanding and Building a Heritage of Love

It's 4 AM. I beat the mountain bird choir, the sun and my sweetheart out of bed today. As I indicated in the last post, I thought I would share some realizations with you that have been clarified in the recent events. I have been pondering how to share the love of my life with you.

I hope that my experience will help to refocus your own love and realization of the precious gifts we receive and can give to not only to the most significant human being in our lives, but to our posterity as we consider how to build and bring a Heritage of love home.

I was not one of those who dated much in school. I was not one of the popular curious who was pulled into early dating and social relationships. Oh, it wasn't because I was abnormal and wasn't noticing and thinking about girls. Life on the farm, in a largely single-parent home, with chores, close sibling ties, leadership positions in FFA, debate, and other extra-curricular activities kept me too busy to pursue a female fancy. I was much more serious, and to some extent, more studious than most of my peers and found the values and activities of the "popular set" a bit out of sync with my values and priorities.

Yet, from my earliest remembrance, I always called upon God in daily prayers for the girl I would marry and for her family and parents to raise her to be ready for us to meet and know each other. I know, this sounds a bit preposterous for a young person, particularly since it did begin when most of my friends were still seeing girls as yucky and only good for teasing. How this interest and pattern of praying for the person I would marry developed I am not sure. Whether my mother instilled something into my early prayers, or some other event or training implanted that priority, I really don't remember. But I remember the prayers and the feeling that it was important, and that I should continue to put that petition before the Lord. And I did.

There were a few (very few) girls I dated before serving an LDS mission for two years in South Texas at age nineteen. Oh, I always had "girl friends," that is, who I thought were cute and had some interest in their attention. In Kindergarten it was a dark-headed, sleepy-eyed cutie named Christy. I always picked her to help hand out the milk and crackers when it was my turn for that exalted privilege. The other boys picked their buddies. In First Grade it was a cherry-farmer's daughter named Diane who caught my eye. My interests were limited to speaking to her on the playground occasionally, but she was the one in that class that caught my eye and at least a corner of my heart. Then in Second Grade, the apple of my eye must have been a bit green because I don't remember the name, just that she was a third grader and liked playing on the tricky bars. Fourth Grade was the beginning of competition for my mental attractions and that year, a cute little blondie, Judy (a shadow of things and a name to come), caught my attention. Then there was Kristine, Jane and Utahana. These same young ladies rotated in priority of interest through Fifth Grade as well. When two of them asked me if I would dance with them and some of the other girls who wanted to learn to dance at recess, it was more than my young male ego and shyness could handle -- I refused. One of the great mistakes of my Fifth Grade year, I am sure. Sixth Grade did not add new female faces to the class and so the cohort or admirees continued, although I think I began to see differentiating character traits emerge as they became more involved in the "popular" contest and looks.

Then came the giant step to Jr. High School and one day a new move in from California sat next to me in Mr. Orton's Typing class. She was gorgeous, smart and experienced in city and social life. And she was absolutely out of my league! Oh, she was nice, but it took only a few weeks to discover that her standards were as foreign to me and my ideals as were her California beach parties and no-parents-home bashes with the very element of the school whom represented most of what I believed was wrong. Oh, shattered image! (No wonder I cannot now remember her name.) But, there were some real cuties that caught my interest and fancy, even if the possible relationships were daydreams and not evening dates. I have watched some of these young ladies from the distance now and see that some were indeed headed in the right direction.

High School was so busy and full with the adventures and challenges of striving for straight A report cards, competing in extra-curricular events, (although athletics had never been important to my dad, so it was not to me) and I found more than enough challenge and ego satisfaction in more mental self-development options. Interesting. Now I find in my own children that they too did not find the interest or allure in athletic prowess or events. There is a heritage message there for another time...

I dated a few girls in high school and found interest in a few close friends, a couple of whom had more interest in me that I in them. There were really no romantic stories or encounters during my high school years. I was focused on a life-long goal of missionary service and it preempted and trumped any pursuit that might have led to a serious relationship.

After High School, I worked the summer on a road construction labor crew on the Idaho border to earn money for my mission and school. The job location was a desolate little place smaller than my very small home town of Mapleton, Utah. We were up at 5 AM and back at 6 PM. I had little time or interest in anything other than a short date with my guitar before retiring. On the weekends between the roadwork, I double- and triple-dated occasionally with my brother and best friend, who were much more the Casanovas than I, although they each had settled on a single-focused interest during much of their dating adventures.

Then in the Fall, I accepted a scholarship to college and completed my first semester at Brigham Young University, where among all the ordinary basic courses a new freshman would take, I took a social dance class (probably to rid myself of the regrets of having turned those fifth-grade girls down). And while I did not develop any special interests, I had a great time trying, with difficulty, to get my feet and body (with a very poor sense of rhythm) to learn Latin steps and rhythms, swing, waltz and jitterbug. It was fun and I thought how great it would be to find my sleeping beauty and sweep off her feet, if I could just get mine to go the right way! Then came my call to serve a mission in South Texas for two years and I left home and fancies of female companionship and the ballroom, behind.

Now, for those of you who are not familiar with the conditions of an LDS mission, a bit of background will help. It is a period of two years of dedicated service. It is self- or family-financed, no choice of location to serve, service is with another 19- to 22-year-old (same gender) from somewhere else in the world. Often, (though not in my case) there is a new language, culture and life to learn. You are with your companion 24-hrs-a-day, seven-days-a-week. You wore a suit every day, live in a small apartment, do your own cleaning, cooking and washing. Your name is Elder Cloward, or Elder Jones or "Elder" so and so. First names are lost in your name tag and the title of your calling as a missionary.

There is no TV, radio or other distractive vices. You have two phone calls home each year (Mothers Day and Christmas). You are up at 6 AM, have personal scripture study, companion scripture study, shower, prepare breakfast, clean, review the work plan for the day and head out to serve and return to plan the next day at 10 PM. You do get 1/2 day off for doing your washing and personal preparations (including writing a letter home to family and reports to the mission president). I was grateful that I did not have to split that time with another letter to someone else at home.

The story of the service in those very busy days is the subject of another discussion I would love to have with any interested person, but is not necessary for the discussion of the topic at hand. However, I would point out that the reason for this long explanation of the missionary service is absolutely connected to the subject of learning to love, serve, and live with a spouse.

And of course there are no girls, no dates, no phone calls and no dancing for missionaries. It is a time of complete focus and dedication to the Lord. For those who stay dedicated, the vast majority of the now over 60,000 such souls who are serving, the experience is invaluable in learning the most important lessons of life: faith, commitment, dedication, selflessness, service and love. I have often thought that every church group would do well to provide similar experience for their young men and women,

It was a great time to let girls take a far backseat, but my prayers continued and my specific prayers, that I would know her when I saw her, brought both calm and curiosity for the future.
I knew that the Lord knew the intent of my heart and the honesty of my plea.

After two years I returned and within two weeks was in the middle of the Southern Utah desert with an army blanket, a pocket knife and 400 miles to traverse in a 30-day survival program. I had longed to participate in and to learn limited-resource living skills and to get back to the outdoors I so loved. That too is the subject of another discussion for anyone interested in the prowess of building fires without matches and finding incredible edibles in the desert.

Strange as it may seem, there were several young ladies who joined us for the month of snow storms, heat, solo, forced marches and other challenges that the course required. And even though it was in the middle of the desert, there were no curling irons, showers, nor burgers. I found interest in tough personalities and conversations with these hearty young ladies, though not romantic, they were interesting and engaging in discussions of life significance. You might call it a 30-day group date that ended up with all of us having a great respect and love for the companionship and shared-life experience. This adventure also proved to be a preparatory event that would soon bring me face-to-face with the dating and companion selection process.

Upon my return from the desert, I was immediately the target for "line-ups" (female dates) from every relative and neighbor who had the perfect fit niece, friend or acquaintance for me to take out. And so I cooperated and had enough blind dates to earn a white cane! Some of these re encounters with the female gender were fun and interesting, although, I found most of the girls to be so immature, in terms of conversation, thinking and priorities, that I found it hard to relate. It felt like I had to try to remember what it was like to think like a teenager or play a dating game I had never learned! It rapidly became a waste of time and I lost interest in the learning or playing the game. I did date one of my pre-mission friends who had dated my best friend, who was then on his mission in the Philippines. JoAnn was as close a possibility of a companion as I had ever known. Her values, priorities, and personality were, if anything, above my own. She was a wonderful friend and over the course of a number of dates, taught me much about relationships, girls, feelings, trust and priorities. While the relationship did not continue, the friendship did even after we were both married. She was an important link in my education and understanding of the dating process.

Then came that day, when on my knees, I took my situation to the Lord and laid it before Him. No angels, words, nor other profound event occurred other than I was absolutely clear that He had heard me and understood my situation and resolve. That resolve was that I would move on with my work and education and simply leave the dating scene behind until He brought it into priority for me. I went to bed that night with assurance that my burden was now on the Lord's mind and shoulders. I had long since come to know that rest and peace in other areas of my life challenges.

However, that was two weeks prior to a commitment I had made with a friend who had served with me in Texas who had just returned home and wanted to double-date with me and a young lady he had met (and whom I had come to know). He called a few days later to arrange to come and stay with me for that weekend. My response went something like this -- "Oh, Vaughn, you come down, but I have given up on the dating scene, so you stay with us and go out with Arlene, but I won't be going out with you." His response was "Hey, you can't do that! I 'll get back with you." Well, getting back with me was a call very late that night form Arlene. As I wiped the sleep from my eyes, I heard her say something like -- "Listen, I have been thinking and praying about the girls I know who I think you would like and I have two who I think are good fits. I have already asked one and she is not available for Saturday, but the other one is." I don't even think she told me the name.

Well, I had not perused the date and although it seemed a little odd that I had just told the Lord I was out of the market, I felt like maybe he had put me back in, at least to keep this commitment to Vaughn. So, I agreed and finished the work week wondering what Saturday would bring.

What it brought was a delightful meeting and interaction with a young lady from Akron, Ohio who was perhaps the first encounter with someone who was indeed a possibility for a serious interest. I had a great time. I leaned over to Arlene and thanked her for the introduction and then asked, "Wow, if this was choice Number Two, what is Number One like?" She informed me that Number One was fantastic and that she was available for the next Saturday and so were she and Vaughn. Actually, they were getting quite serious and another double-date would be just what the doctor ordered, for both of us.

This time Arlene gave me the name and I was to call to set up the date. She and Vaughn would pick her up on Saturday morning and meet me at home. I remembered her name was Judy and she was from Arlington, Virginia. I called her apartment at the university and the noise of the other girls made it difficult for her to hear, but she accepted the date. She later recounted that it was the last Saturday she was in town, the semester had ended, and she was headed back to Virginia for the summer. Nothing could come of it and it was a free meal. She liked and trusted Arlene and my deep voice was intriguing. I will not try to describe further her pre- meeting thoughts or experience. She may choose to share that adventure on her own.

The next several days I found myself with a new and exciting sense of anticipation for this adventure of meeting someone who had been the subject of thought and prayer and whose first set-up had been so good. I felt excited and a bit nervous for Saturday's encounter.

I got started with the chores late that morning and upon returning from the milk barn with a bucket of milk in both hands as I stepped past the front room window, I saw Vaughn's green Volkswagen pull into the driveway. I paused and watched as he helped Arlene out and then helped my last blind date from the back seat. That moment something moved inside of me -- a feeling, a familiarity, something, and I knew that this would be no ordinary date. I went to the kitchen and put the milk in the strainer. Mom, offered to finish up for me and I went out to meet them.

Our date was a hike and picnic in the canyon above my home. It was a beautiful Spring day and after exploring the area, hiking up the trails and jumping back and forth across the cement ditch that diverted some of the canyon stream into the communities irrigation system (and which was just wide enough to need to hold hands to insure a safe crossing), we settled into fixing lunch. It was the first time Judy had ever had a outdoor barbecued steak. In fact, it was the first time she had ever eaten a steak in her life! That seemingly odd fact was a shadow of how she had been raised and a most significant insight into the background and upbringing of this girl whom I seemed to know so well from the moment I met her. Indeed, her life story to that point will be fascinating, almost unbelievable to those who know the facts. Judy had had a pristine upbringing that had afforded her an abiding testimony of Christ, a profound faith, a gentle and guileless kindness, a selfless priority and an innocence that was unscathed. She was a child of truth and goodness like no other person I had ever met.

Upon my return from the picnic and our hurry to get to the movie and the rest of the day-long date, I passed my mother in on the stairs as I put away some of the picnic supplies. She had seen my unusual interest and excitement in the kitchen earlier and said "So?" My response was, "I think she is the one," although in my heart I was saying 'that is the girl I will marry.' She said, "You think so, huh?" Like any mom whose son said "she is the one" after the first date (actually, the first few hours), she may have been skeptical, but she knew I was not.

We moved on to the movie, Treasure Island. The movie was less than we had hoped, which was a good thing, because I couldn't have focused on the movie anyway. My heart and mind were racing, supercharged, energized like I had never experienced before. It was like living a dream, the date I had always dreamed, and prayed about. It had been as I prayed -- I knew her!

After the movie, we drove around the Provo Temple and cued by Vaughn and Arlene's obvious interest in some serious talk, Judy and I left the car and walked around the temple block several times. We learned more about each other in that hour of conversation and questions about life, priorities and family than most couples learn through a lifetime. There is little that I have learned about Judy that I did not come to know or sense that night.

When we got the girls back to their apartments, Vaughn walked Arlene to hers and I walked Judy to hers. I asked if I could pick her up after her church meetings to take her to a favorite spot called Cascade Springs. She agreed and then I asked her if I could give her a kiss. This was totally out of character for me, yet it was totally the right thing -- natural and good. Although the kiss was so inexperienced that it took a few more to get the "good night" said right, it was the end of a perfect day and the beginning of a more perfect life.

Judy can tell her own story of that night and the prayer, and voices that woke her and were in her mind until I knocked at the door and took her hand. It was like being back together having always been together and the ride up Provo Canyon was magic. I will never forget the moment I turned and looked in her eyes and asked with absolute seriousness, "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" Ya, right, it had been less than 24 hours since we had met, or re-met as we have come to know. "We'll I know I am supposed to marry you," was the reply.

That day, that date and the ensuing date on Tuesday, the last day before she returned to Arlington and I stayed to work the summer was a whirlwind of feelings, realizations and wonders. Too much to share in this, already long lead up to what I want to share. Perhaps Judy will finish that story of how we discussed our children's names that second date, under separate cover. Needless to say, that summer apart was an incredible continuation of developing the relationship and planning our life together.

I had taken a job back with the road construction company for that summer before I returned to school and my schedule was very full. Up at 4 AM, milk the cow, take care of farm chores and take the two-hour drive with my dad to the job site in the mountains. Then 7:30 Am to 5 PM I danced with a shovel, Whacker compactor, laid and covered culvert pipe, flagged traffic and greased the pug mill and occasionally ran the roller on the new pavement. Then, back down the mountain to the mailbox where it was not unusual to have multiple letters and cards from my absentee fiance. After my evening chores and a quick bite of dinner, I spent long hours writing back to Judy. Long distance phone calls were very expensive in those days. Then to bed by 10 PM to sweet dreams and visions of this girl who was the answer, completion and purpose for the rest of my life.

That was now thirty-six years ago. The course of our life together has had many twists and turns that have all seemed to weave together in purpose and plan to where we are today. Now we are on the cusp of new challenges and opportunities to focus our lives, service, family and priorities into completing the adventurous life we have shared.

Those who know us know that Judy and I have a singleness of purpose and service. She has been a veritable definition of a "help mete for man." Her undaunting commitment to me and my work, our family, faith and marriage has never wavered. She has been, is, and continues to be, my everything. She has crafted a family of honest, faithful children who share our life view, purpose and priorities.

While I was gone so much in travel and business, she was always there doing what great mothers do, building the legacy of our family story. She has told the stories, set the priorities, established the values, wiped the tears, sung the songs, played the games, gone to soccer, school events and tucked the kids into their heritage. Oh, I helped, when I could, when I was around, I taught them to work, and cook and pray, but it has largely Judy who nurtured the day-to-day deposits of heritage in the Cloward home. For that I will be eternally grateful and we will both be eternally blessed.

Perfect parents? Oh my, no -- not by a long shot! Ask any of the kids and you will find a litiney of mistakes and dropped balls in our parenting. They will tell you that they taught us how to be parents and that sometimes we failed the tests. But they will each tell you they knew that we loved them, maybe most of all, when we did mess up. We are the parents of an eternally-focused and committed family with a heritage that is clear, values that are lived and traditions that continue to enrich our lives and those who share them with us. Are we done? Not by a long shot. There is still so much more heritage to create, to transfer and to celebrate. The legacy is a work in progress. We continue to build it together. And they continue to customize and fine-tune that legacy into a heritage of their own, as they define their own family stories and build on the foundations of grandparents, parents, and our shared eternal priorities.

So, what is all of this long lead up to you, my friends and associates, readers and colleagues? It is this: The first and most important continuing priority for building a lasting legacy of family heritage that will give you the greatest happiness and joy in this life, and I believe in the life to come, is for each of us to remember that our love and respect, partnership and commitment to each other - sweethearts, companions, mothers and fathers, parents, children, is the foundation for our heritage. We must not let our foundations weaken, crumble or go out of repair and priority.

Remember. Remember your own love story and continue to live and write it into your own and and the hearts of your children. The greatest gift you can give them is indeed, a pure and undefiled love of each other. Your love story past, present and future is the framework for their security and their happiness. Build a Heritage and a Legacy of Love of each other and write your story - for them.


Now, I must tell you that my blogs will be a bit periodic with changes or needs to update you on the health and happenings of the journey. I must now turn my priority to writing a book that I am compelled to complete. The book - "Bringing Heritage Home" is waiting to be written and shared. I trust that it is a worthy project and will be a good read. But then, you can be the judge of that.

Onward and Upward!

Love,
Doug

Family Together Again on the Mountain

Greetings.

Over a foot of new snow came to the Lodge over the last three days - and so did we. The Cloward's convened at the lodge for some heritage rejuvenation and some work to prepare for the next Dream Team and our next Executive Director Family Retreat. We surely love to work together. And after the work comes the laughter and the cooking and the singing and the joy of being together -- again.

We made four rhubarb strawberry pies to go with feasts of pot roast, corn on the cob, great salads, watermelon, oven fries and too much more to remember, without feeling guilty. We had friends and family to feast with, celebrate and make memories. We wish you all could have been here. I was grateful that the chemo did not rob me of another precious weekend of heritage making. As you can imagine, this time the joy was all the sweeter knowing that we came close to having had our last gathering, without having known it would be so.

So it is with each of us. None of us really ever know when it will be the last, or the end to things we tend to take for granted. The Clowards have come to savor even more these precious moments we are together - come snow or shine. As you look at your little ones and your big ones, take just a moment more to savor the precious moment and add a little bigger smile and a little longer hug. We have come to remember that heritage in the making is much more precious and so much more short than the heritage we then remember and celebrate.

Friends and Associates who Have Made the Difference

Last night was another of those precious times of being up and down often enough to have a little think and ponder time in waiting for sleep to find me again. I found that some of my thoughts centered on the people in my life that have had a profound influence. Some of these were significant because of who they were, some because of when they come into my life, some because of what they contributed and some because they were a gateway to experiences that have blessed my life. Regardless of why they have been important to my life, I started listing them and thinking about their contributions.

Many of these have been teachers,youth leaders and business associates. Most in recent years have been clients and business partners. None of them will likely read this blog, but I must let them know that they have contributed to my life. Although it will surely miss many here is a partial list of those who came to mind last night.

School Years

• Third Grade - LaVon Burningham, a great teacher and neighbor.
• Fourth Grade - Phil Argyle, a bit rough and tough on me, but nurtured my love of art with a mother's day project that he praised. It was a simple plywood with a rope-trimmed tray that I painted a pixie on. His admiration of the project was given at a pivotal point in my young life.
• The Clement Brothers - Steven, Gary and David, neighbors and good examples
• Tom, David and Harry Tippets and their folks, friends who shared the early adventures
  
• Eric Orton, my best Jr. High school friend
  
• Lon Sorensen, my high school brother and lifelong friend (and his wife Marie)
  
• Merrill Carter, my high school debate coach.
  
• Loren Phillips, my high school FFA adviser.

Mission Years

• Vaughn Stuart, my mission buddy and dearest friend
  
• Elder Tom Griggs, mission companion - a dedicated hard worker
  
• Elder Gary Cox, another great companion who knew how to work

After Mission and College Years

• Arlene Prows Stuart, Vaughn's wife who introduced me to Judy, my eternal sweetheart
• Michael Hess, my other "brother" who has been there for me and with me through much of our shared life challenges and joys
  
• Thayne Packer, Youth Leadership Department Chair whose trust and confidence set my feet on the path of my life mission in working with youth and children
• Rulon Skinner, professor of scouting education whose dedication to well prepared teaching of your services still effects my teaching and leadership
• Doug Nelson, Survival buddy, fellow faculty member and life-long family friend, confidant and brother
  
• Keith Hooker, the flying Doc whose heart is golden good and who has given me great adventures, experiences and service and continues to be there for me and my family

The BYU Years

• Kyle and Kitt Hooker, Keith's sons who worked with me in the Wilderness and Handcart trips and back-up support and helpers. They have grown into great men.
• Shanna Watts Ballard, my primary partner in the creation and conducting of the Pioneer and Wilderness Treks and a dear and lasting friend of the family.
• Delbert Jay, the dependable back-up man of the trips
• Herb Flower, Kevin Card, Sheldon Worthington, Dennis Chapman, Tom Tippets, Pam Budge Tippets, Kevin Marrett, James Loveless, Lori James Marrett - these and many others were key players in the early leadership of the Wilderness and Pioneer Trek Youth Conference Programs that I developed with their help while teaching at BYU

The Direct Selling Years

• Dale Lee, Kerry Asay, Kim Asay, Don Lenhoff, Gene and Kristine Hughes of my days at Nature's Sunshine.
• Mark Jacobs of Watkins products was also a key player in my early consulting career and afforded me the opportunity to serve and learn with his team in the halls of the Watkins Company, the great pioneer of our direct selling industry.
  
• Becky Wright and Lisa Brandau of At Home America, whom I learned more from and with than any other client in my Direct Selling consulting career. These sisters taught me more about entrepreneurship and commitment to a family-based business than all my other experiences in the industry combined. They live it. I am eternally grateful for their association and friendship. I only wish my dream of being in business with Becky had come to pass. I still have hopes that that dream will come true in some way with Heritage Makers.
  
• John Tefft, formerly of Shaklee, business associate and dear friend who has become a brother.
  
• And there are many more good direct selling associates, too many to try to mention, who have contributed to my understanding of the art and science of direct selling.
• Special mention must go to the DSA staff and friends who I had the privilege of working with over many years in in seminars and conferences, committees and workshops.

The Heritage Makers years

• Now in the culmination of my life work, I look to my association with my Heritage Makers Associates for their roles and contributions - they include, Sharon Murdoch and daughter Candy May, the founders of the storybooking movement; to Chris Crandall and Heidi Arave, for their dedication and persistence to make sure storybooking was birthed and cared for until we found each other. Then to Brytt, my son, whose focus on creating a direct selling business that served families pushed me to formulate Heritage Home Studio, just at the convergence of meeting the My Family Tales team. Then to Randall Harward for his belief in the vision and for the financial contribution that allowed us to plant the seeds and begin the journey to where we are today. And next, to Justin Biggs, our partner and technology anchor who saw the vision and whose continued dedication and service is so vital a part of our progress and stability. He was instrumental in bringing another key player, Karl Hale whose leadership in building a world-class team of programmers who have given us the great Studio tool. Next came Marshyl, then Bryndi family members who have been dedicated and have contributed much. There have been several other key employees who have made contributions and moved on. But the most important worker bee in the early days may well be my sweetheart Judy who was and is always there to help with whatever was needed. Records, shipping, printing, you name it, she has and always will be a quiet helpful presence in our business. Then came my partner Chris Lee from the My Family.com connection. He engineered both the purchase and the buyout of Heritage Makers to and from MFC and came with the deal as we left. And now he plays the critical role of CEO to manage the business of the adventure. His partnership and role in the growing success of the company and his commitment to the business and me, make him a very key and favored player in this phase of my life and work. I am grateful for his association, strength and partnership.

There are also those absolutely key players in our field organization that make up the most recent significant associates of my life. These are the women and men wh0 saw the vision and opportunity of the HM business and then jumped in with their hearts and their feet and have breathed life into the vision, service and business with their storybooks and their sharing of the message and cause of heritage. They now take up the bulk of my focus, thinking, association and time. They are the all-star team of my life work and purpose.

They are a small group who represent a larger and growing group of consultants who are following their leadership and faith in the business and the home team's commitment to the vision, mission and the direct selling method for long term success and stability.
Generally, these stalwart associates are now the Directors and Sr. Directors of the
business. They have largely come from two key members of the organization who
have become dear, dear friends and partners in the vision and future of our Heritage Making business. Wendy McGee and Virginia Dixon and their Sr. Director teams' continue to partner in the development and expansion of the HM dream. For their partnership and dedication I am so very grateful.

But, of all the human beings who had had impact on my life none have had the singular contribution and partnership as my brother Paul and my sweetheart Judy. Paul and I were a little older than our sister Amy and because we were into boy stuff we did not have as much time nor experience together. Yet we were close because both parents worked much of the time we tended each other and had many great adventures of work and play. One of our high priorities was to make our parents proud of us. It brought joy and a sense of "adultness" to us to make certain the chores were done, plus a little extra. In retrospect, the toughness of growing up with a father who was away most of the time, a mother who worked and ran the farm and the need for our sibling interdependence all combined for a significant contribution to our character. And it certainly was the stuff of strong bonding for Paul and I.

This blog has rambled a bit too long about those who have contributed to my life work and joy in living. So, I will hold for my comments about my sweetheart till tomorrow's post. Who knows? I may give you some of the really juicy fun stuff of our less-than 24-hour engagement.

I am certain that there are many others, not mentioned, who have made major contributions to my life. Teachers in church, youth Leaders and neighbors, coworkers and friends. To each of you who have been the source of enrichment and contribution to my learning, faith and testimony, my work and my life, I extend grateful appreciation.

Relatively speaking, the list is short, probably for each of us, which makes the names on our lists significant and precious. We have shared moments of our ever-so-short lives. The older I get, the more I come to believe that these associations are not by chance or coincidence. I fully believe that the day will come when we see the greater pattern of the Father's blueprints to be much more detailed than we assume in our day-to-day associations. I believe that we are blessed by and bless each other in a circle of close associations that come and go as we move through life. And that hereafter we will see and appreciate those contributions and the majesty that orchestrated our proximity and time together.

That is it for the thoughts of the day about those who have been the spice and joy of my life and work. I go to bed now knowing full well that there are more wonderful, incredible people I will meet and who will contribute to my life and work, and for who just maybe I may make a contribution to theirs as we move onward and upward in the cause of truth and Heritage. I so, so look forward to our meeting and working together!

Love,

Doug

Another Day, Another Miracle

Greetings, again!

Well I have been informed that along with my former list of bald headed greats, I might look like I need to add Mr. Clean, the long lost fourth Ninja Turtle, Yoda or the turtle in The Never Ending Story. I think I like the notion of a new bald hero - Mr. Heritage. But, you can decide or add your own option on your comment posts.

Thursday morning was spent in the office for more great planning and coordination meetings regarding Studio enhancements, photo management priorities, scanning support tools etc. It was exciting and I wish each of you could have been there to feel the energy, but you'll be getting it at Leaders Conference and Reunion.

Thurs afternoon Judy and I went to the SLC Bone Marrow and Stem-Cell Hospital for review of my situation and possibilities beyond Chemo. I must admit the doctor, one of the best, talked straight and was not very encouraging, but he laid out a strategy of a first step, Chemo, second Stem Cell transplant and then as a last possible life extender donor Bone Marrow transplant. He went over the history of the treatment of Mantle Cell Lymphoma and the process of the transplants. We left knowing that he doesn't know all the treatments there are or that I have been getting. We all know that healing comes from the body as directed by its divine self healing processes and by intervention when necessary by our all powerful and merciful God. I assure each of you He has heard our (your) prayers and continues to give miracles and understanding. Thank you all again for your faith and contribution.

Friday morning was spent in meetings at the office, including a great meeting with Wendy McGee and darling daughter, Delanee. We discussed strategy and directions for Leadership Conference and Reunion that are in process. She was excited and I was blessed by her visit and infusion of commitment, vision and leadership. She and her team are flat going to make things happen over the next few months!

Then it was on to the second round of Chemo. I must admit I went with a bit of trepidation, given the near death of the last treatment of Rituxan, but I had been assured the next round of Rituxan would not be as severe. They were right. The infusion took about four hours and I returned home ready for the onslaught of nausea etc. It is now Saturday afternoon and I am back at the lodge and have had little nausea and no vomiting (praise the Lord, knock on my bald head and a piece of wood for a continuation of that blessing)! I feel a little tired but will be well rested to jump back into the forging of HM with you after the recuperation of the holiday weekend.

As we look ahead at expanded and enhanced strategy for growing our (your) HM business it has become so clear that we need to move our focus to a paradigm shift from the current primary goal thinking of "sell and sponsor" to a fundamental precursor that is largely untapped by our current business model. When this paradigm is fully explained and your paradigm of the way we do the business "shifts," I sincerely believe that we will see the business jump into momentum. We are therefore preparing materials and a presentation, live and web to present at Leadership to help you make the shift in thinking and the way you grow your business.

A sneak peek of this concept is that it focuses on Heritage Making Workshops as the introductory step to the business, not just a "help them get started" workshop that many of you are using as a follow-up for new clients. The Heritage Making Workshop's primary goal is for everyone who comes to join us as a Heritage Maker in their home. The flow of the workshop will become the cookie cutter for all of our people, especially new consultants who will have seen and participated in this simple and scripted process themselves.

The elements 0f the flow, scripts, and tools will go like this:

1. Photos.

• Why did our grandparents sacrifice for these expensive photos of their times?
• Why did our parents follow the pattern of taking pictures of everything they did and of all the friends and family they knew?
• So, why do we continue the process into the digital age? Our grandparents handed down their relatively few pictures to our parents, they added their boxes of photos before they gave them to you. If you haven't received the legacy of all these boxes of photos yet, count on it you or one of your siblings will. (Judy was the elected sibling of 30 such heritage-rich boxes in her family!)
• Why were the pictures taken? What was the intended use and what will you do with them now? Will you continue to stockpile, store, hide, and worry about their security and what to do with them? The answer is to capture and secure the stories behind the pictures and to preserve the stories for future remembering and passing on to the next generation. But how? Do we just keep stock piling the photos and throw those away when the stories and details have fully faded or been lost?
• Oh, yeah, right, you can scrapbook the pictures. Many have and many do. But those who have for very long find out how very time consuming and expensive it is. They discover how all the good intentions to get each child's or event scrapbook copied is an elusive butterfly that soon becomes a dragon. The joy of scrapbooking fades as you discover how difficult it is to find the time, deal with the mess, and acknowledge that you may not have the creativity to create the masterpiece you want. When you do, it is a one-of-a-kind, precious treasure that you want to put up to avoid damage, peanut butter and jelly, and the request to "borrow" the book.

2. Digital Era.

• Now we enter the digital age and the possibility of scanning the pictures to make them secure, to do something with them on the computer. Anyone who has tried scanning their photos on a typical home-use flatbed scanner knows the frustration and the time. Dragging the boxes, sorting, and scanning is more than a weekend project. It is a headache for sure.
• Heritage Makers' High-speed Scanning Service offers clients the solution to both their photo security concerns and their "what to do with them issues." The primary reason for taking the pictures is to retain the stories and relations behind them. This scanning service makes it possible to overcome the mess, time, and frustration of the process.
• You then show a brief DVD video of the scanning process.
• Then, with new high tech picture enhancement, meta tagging (journaling) and album management tools that are being added to Studio, the dreams of our ancestors who took the photos and our hopes for doing something with them to retain their stories and to pass them on in a more useful form can be accomplished. Encourage them to take advantage of the scanning service and the special deal you have for them tonight. This is where you discuss turning the photos into heritage.

3. What is heritage anyway?

• Simply put, heritage is the story of your family, your history, significant people, events, traditions and values. Your Heritage is your story. Do you know it? More importantly, are you teaching your children their family story so they know and can live the traditions and the values you cherish -- their roots? Do they share your view of the world, life, and its purpose?
• What happens to children who grow up not knowing the roots, values and purpose in life?
• Most often without this vital sense of belonging and heritage they will seek to find or make it on their own or adopt the heritage of their friends or gangs or others who have an overt statement of values and priorities that are often at odds with yours and societies.
• The lack of feeling this purpose and direction, goals and expectations that are part of heritage and that create this vital sense of belonging and connectedness, leads to depression, withdrawal and low self-esteem. For far too many children, especially teenagers, the only escape from the emptiness and lack of meaning and purpose is taking their own life. In extreme cases, where a heritage of violence has supplemented a loving home-based heritage, they take others with them. When the focus of their lives is allowed to be on violent video games and movies themed with criminals who get the attention they lack, some teens want to leave a legacy of terror.
• Current statistics indicate that suicide is the number 3 cause of death among young people ages 6-24. Heritage making is a vital, though not understood, role of every parent. Heritage Makers is dedicated to helping parents, primarily moms, understand how to build the heritage in their homes and transfer it effectively to their families through the power of storybooking.

4. Storybooking Heritage.

• Storybooking your heritage is the powerful and exciting introduction to Heritage Makers company and products. Here is where you will show and tell a group of key storybooks and other HM products. You will get them to briefly identify (not tell) a story they would like to have in a storybook (and will have some fun ways to help you get this information from them). The Story Card Game tools will be very helpful and exciting in this new approach.
• After showing them samples of the products and getting them in touch with their own stories, you move on to a demonstration of HM Studio. This is done with an updated DVD demo that shows all of its new features and powers and helps guests see how fun and easy it is to become a Heritage Maker in their home.
• We then discuss the four cornerstone storybooks they can make to help each child in their home understand and connect to the family story and their birthright of heritage. These storybooks include the paternal and maternal grandparents stories. These first two books (with simple templates and guides) chronicle basic information about their grandparents and help them see their grandparents as heroes and how their values and traditions have been passed onto their children -- you, and now onto them -- your children.
• The third storybook is your story. How you and their father met, fell in love got married and began building a life and a heritage for their family and how they looked so forward to that child joining them in the great adventure of building a family and a home together.
• Lastly, the fourth cornerstone is their own first storybook to tell of their birth, uniqueness, talents and the joy they bring to your home. These are the cornerstones for every member of the family, and we offer starter packages for new Heritage Makers that prepare them to create these books.

5. Becoming a Heritage Maker.

• Then we offer an invitation to the guests to become a Heritage Maker, a member of our community of proactive, intentional heritage making. We explain how they can become a member for free with Studio basic, or they can get a Studio Plus account for free with a purchase of a heritage maker starter pack of credits. If they are as excited about becoming a heritage maker as you, they will want to become a Premier Member, and we show and tell the differences and offer the starter packages.

6. The HM Business.

• Explain what the HM business is as a personal storybook publishing consultant. Consultants simply share the message in workshops like this and then they are available to coach and help members of their HM community. They coach them to storybook their Heritage and to establish their own HM community of heritage makers as a Consultant.
  
• You express your love for the business and how you would love to welcome them as a member of your heritage makers community in any way they would like to participate.

7. Take Orders.

• Then you, and any other consultants who have brought guests, meet with them individually to sign them up as a member (Free, Plus or Premier) and to take orders for the Packages and product.

While the system is similar to a Celebration , the fundamental difference is the mindset of bringing them into the community. This is the first objective--sign them up. Then service them with Studio and Product options. This is the shift. We want them as heritage makers in their home -- however they want.

Again this is the concept and the scripting and tools are coming. Prepare to change the paradigm and to reap the harvest of a rapidly expanding community of heritage makers!

Please understand our mission is membership! Please pass this vital concept (maybe the blog info) to others who need this clarifying focus on the nature, purpose and future of our business.

Onward and Upward!

Love,
Doug

Greetings!
"No, I did not pull my hair out and yes I am still your grandpa." a hat helps to keep me a little warmer and to camouflage the stranger the grandkids see. Who is that guy anyway? Is he Daddy Warbucks, Shrek in real life, Dallin Oaks, Lex Luther or Yul Brenner? You decide (hint Daddy Heritage might be closer).

Ah, another morning with gratitude, excitement and curiosity. Yesterday morning was taken up with a German holistic MD. Reminders of basis nutrients, how to alcholize the body, foods to avoid and foods to increase, alternative therapies and how to buffer myself against the short and long term effects of chemo. The next round is tomorrow. Then it was back to the office for more strategic discussion about priorities and initiatives for product and technology development to support simplification and functionality of Studio and maximization of effectiveness for telling the HM story. It was all very good and I love working with a small, but oh so committed Executive Team. Justin particularly shined today with work on a new user interface for HM - EXCITING. Although the vision and workload of these projects will take six months to complete, the simplification and user friendliness will be incredible.

Then I went to a Scan Party Wendy McGee was doing. It is always such a treat to see Celebrations and Scan Parties in action and this one was especially fun. Seeing new comers to HM discover the concepts, and vision of storybooking their heritage is energizing. Thanks Wendy - it was great to be back where the heritage really meets the road.

Thank you to all of you have created and sent such thoughtful, encouraging and sharing cards letters and books. Each day I get to the office and there are greetings from many of you from across the country. Thank you, thank you. Catching up with formal thank you may take me a bit of time. In the mean time please know that your faith and cards, gifts and books are precious and deeply appreciated. I will save and share them at Reunion so you can see a display of the incredible creativity our HM family has channeled through Studio and StoryCards.

I wanted to share a gift that was waiting on my desk yesterday and which I will treasure forever. It was one of the most beautiful, well done, touching, encouraging and precious books I have ever seen, let alone received. It was a legacy edition gift from the members of Dream Team #10 . It is incredible - we (Judy I ) laughed and we cried. Thank you. Thanks to each of you for you time and investment in my healing and recovery. Until we can hug you in person (at Leadership or Reunion) know that you MADE MY DAY!

Tomorrow it is a trip to SLC to meet with the Bone Marrow transplant team for evaluations. Then Friday round two of the chemo, hopefully with less drastic reaction. Then the weekend to start climbing back from the chemo punch. I must admit I am curious as to how my body will handle the next punch of chemicals. But, I am funneling more of the "good" stuff to help it rebound. I'll give you the recap of the bout after the bell of round 2 - unless it knocks me out for a day or two?

Now, as to sharing of the thoughts and impressions of the night and day. So, here is a question for you. Do your children know what heritage is generally? Do they know the meaning of the word? And do they know what their heritage is? Can they tell their (your) story and articulate your primary values, traditions and why they are so important to your family - their heritage? I see the public service add about "Parents do your know where your kids are?" And, "have you talked to your kids about drugs?" And, "alcohol" and so on, and think, maybe the focus should be, "parents do you kids know their heritage, the meaning of their name?. "Do your children know who they are, what they stand for, how significant they are to you and to their family?"

Don't make the mistake of thinking that this, like the discussions about the "birds and the bees" is something that can wait. This is a discussion that is ongoing, deepening, enduring and wonderful. Start it now, before the public service adds cause you to wonder and to act, perhaps too late. Ours is such a great opportunity and responsibility, such a great adventure, such and important contribution. The message of heritage, if you make it, if you deliver it in your HM conversations, in your celebrations at your scan parties, is, in the long run, more important that what they buy or if they join. Please, never forget that the message is the mission.

I am fully satisfied that those who deliver the message most consistently and most effectively will, in the long run, be most successful financially. They are our Diamonds. They are the real leaders. So again I ask, "do your children know? Start, or continue, their heritage conversation today.

Onward and upward.


Love - Doug

Leadership, Love and Me

Greetings.

Here again to tell you bald is beautiful (if you have no options) and sunsets on the mountain are beautiful even if you do have options. Back at the office from a fantastic weekend with my sweetheart. Today I focused on plans for the Leadership Conference, giving the Leadership Principle for the Directors call, coordinating with several Leaders from across the country and planning for Reunion opening night. Yes, it was a very full day, just like yours, and I hope you enjoyed your busyness as much as I did.

The day’s focus on Leadership left me with some impressions. First, how vitally important good leaders are in our business and our lives. They are often the “spark plug” to our understanding, commitments and action. And they play an important catalytic role in our success. I was also struck with the reality that even leaders need leaders, who need leaders and so on. This means that all leaders are ultimately followers, empowered by leaders' influence, training and expectations. I thought about our ultimate life leader, even the Savior Jesus Christ and how His leadership taught us how to live and lead. His training was simple -- it was His gospel of love. That gospel He also called His yoke. A yoke is something we use to lighten or balance our load. It makes it easier to carry. This gave way to the thought that great leaders provide yokes for their team members. They show the way to use the yoke (system) by doing it (example) and then they teach the principles and practical practices of using the yoke. He and they teach us how to be and how to achieve our purpose in business and in life.

It is also clear that we are all leaders and leading – self, children, team members and strangers. We must be careful to do the right things. If we teach incorrect principles, by precept or example, we may set in place false assumptions that may lead to false traditions and roads that do not lead our followers to success or happiness. So, I am examining my leadership and my principles to make certain that I am not following false principles or traditions, and that I am teaching only truth and correct principles. I invite my associates to consider doing the same thing. This is akin to sharpening your leadership saw.

On another front, the last couple of days I have been focusing on my sweetheart and her relentless service, love and support. I have noticed, more clearly, her countless services, kindnesses and how she is the perfect helpmete for me. Further, I have come to understand how much of what she does is unsung, unrecognized, even by those she serves most – me. So, I am committed to notice, recognize, thank and help her more. Perhaps this “leadership” will encourage my men readers and friends to “follow” my lead. I suspect the results will pay great dividends to both of us.

Regarding my health journey, tomorrow it's a visit to a blood work specialist in northern Utah, on Thursday an evaluation for bone marrow (or stem cell) transplant, implant, therapies and then Friday, back to my new friend Chemo. The weekend will be interesting indeed. Your continued thoughts, prayers and good will be muchly appreciated as I enter this uncharted path. Thanks, in advance!

Remember, lead in truth, love in gratitude and pray in faith.

Onward and upward.

Love, Doug




Personal, but not Private: Answers in Hindsight

Greetings again!

I feel great, physically and more. I feel filled with gratitude, clarity and focus on the days and the long-term priorities of my life and our purpose. May I share my weekend with you, up front and personal, to the end that you may find vicarious understanding and clarity in your own life and yearnings? I know I do so at the risk of being misunderstood. Again, this is personal, very personal, but I feel compelled to not keep it private.

One night while laying in the hospital, a simple thought came into my mind briefly enough for me to recognize the thought. It was, Mantle Cell is my friend. That was all. I did not reject the the thought as crazy or ridiculous. I simply acknowledged that the thought had come to me. It had not been created in my thinking process. It had just come. I have come to know that most personal revelation (inspiration - answers to prayer) come in this way. A quiet, simple thought comes and leaves me (us) with the option of what to do with the thought -- accept and consider it or reject and discard it. So, Mantle Cell Leukemia was my friend? The obvious follow on thought was that you do not fight a friend. Rather, you acknowledge and embrace the friend.

I determined that the battle was not against cancer, rather, the battle, quest, was for health. So, I proceed to eat and live as healthy as I know how, without becoming radical nor fanatical. A friend introduced me to a green drink product that Judy and I are now both using and believe it is helping in our race for greater health. As we teach in Dream Team, more clean water, deep breathing, mild large muscle exercise (walking at this point -- next, hiking), good nutrition and adequate sleep, rest and moments of sweet calm stillness. This then is our non-battle with the disease. We'll let all of our combined prayers fight that battle. And in wisdom will work with the doctors' skills for that role in the process. That is the strategy.

The weekend was warm and wonder-filled. Life here on the the mountain is teeming everywhere. The snow is gone at our elevation, the leaves will be out next week and the hummingbirds are returning in mass. Little yellow and white ground flowers are building a carpet of beauty and wonder. If you were here we would lay on our bellies and get our noses close to the tiny miracles of life. Then we would raise our heads (my bald head) and we would hear the songs of the birds as they declare their territorial nesting and feeding rights. And we would laugh at the child-like squabbling of the hummingbirds as they try to exert their claim over the flowers and the feeders. And we would laugh. Remember the HM family invitation for all new Executives to join us here for just such revelry.

Saturday I walked to the knoll behind the lodge and sat facing the sunset over the mountain. It is such a great place to breathe, ponder and pray. And I did.

Then I cranked up one of the ATVs and took Judy for a ride around the area and some brief visits with our maintain friends who were here for the weekend. And we remembered how good it is to have the gift of friends. Then a quiet, simple dinner with my sweetheart, a little eyes gazing, scriptures, prayers and the restful full night's sleep. So good.

Sunday morning brought sweet Sabbath study and a return to our tiny church on the mountain. Hugs and love from friends who had focused their faith and prayers in my behalf these past three weeks overflowed. I taught the priesthood lesson and a joy-filled potluck lunch following the services. Fellowship is healing.

Now for the personal insights and confessions. I hope the openness is not uncomfortable.

For a very long time, years, I have in the private recesses of my thoughts and prayers had concerns over the contributions of my life in contrast to the blessings, talents and my yearning to make a difference. I have often felt that it was just not enough -- on several fronts. And my sins and shortcomings were not other than the general variety that most of us deal with in our fallen, mortal state. Nonetheless, mine haunted me and I worried that they had and were removing me from greater opportunity to serve and make a meaningful contribution. I know that may come across as naive and over zealous, but it is true, I thought, and I worried long and much about it -- particularly during the last year. It was cankering (cancering) my soul.

Simultaneously to this thorn in my heart, I was also heavy with the awareness that I was living largely without joy. That is to say, I was so busy doing the tasks, of admittedly good things, yet lightheartedness (not light mindedness) and laughter and personal play were missing from my life. And therefore I was not able to fully share in the joy of life, even the joy I was striving to create for my family and others. Fishing trips, ATV rides, feasts, lessons, work -- project after project -- task after task, were facilitations to creating joy for others. But I was not smelling the roses. I wasn't pausing enough and partaking of the joy that was all around me. I was always two projects ahead, two days, weeks, months, years of tasks ahead in my mind. I was looking beyond the moment and its own priceless harvest of joy to the creation of the next event. I felt it and my family saw it. I think this sickness of task orientation may affect (infect) many, if not most, men. We are fixers -- next, next, next. Again, I felt the sickness and had been praying earnestly about it during the last several months. I needed healing.

Then came my friend, Mantle Cell Leukemia. And then came yesterday and the night of new thoughts. And it came. The medicine and answers to my honest cries for help both for contribution and for joy had been ever so graciously administered by a loving God in the form of cancer - Mantle Cell. It stopped me, shall we say, "dead in my tracks" (tasks) and held my "busy"ness at bay. It stopped my rush and gave me the ever so needed pause to see and to understand.

And now my understanding and vision is crystal clear. Their is no greater contribution that I can make with my talents, and my time, than that which I am doing in forwarding the cause of heritage making -- practical family history -- and bringing mothers home with the understanding of how to build their children's life foundations and heritage. It is enough and more. I shall not want more than you, my Mantle Cell friend.

In the quiet moments in the hospital and more since as I have begged for forgiveness of the impact of the rush of my life on my sweetheart -- as I have gazed in her eyes, held her close, walked hand-in-hand and talked, really talked and really listened -- as we have pondered our future and its uncertain days and trials -- together, I have found the joy I had passed by and that now I savor and live for. Now I see, feel and have found the joy that is all around me and I will not miss again partaking in the feasts I help to create. Nor will I be slow to cherish the feast of life the Lord and others set before me. And I will become as a little child, filled with amazement, life, trust and joy. Thank you my friend, Mantle Cell. And thank you dear Father for the answers to my needs, my weakness and my pleas.

And thank you for allowing me to share. In the sharing, there is further healing. And I sincerely hope that for those who read, they may find, vicarious healing, meaning and answers and direction for the balm so readily available to each of us.

I do so look forward to the continuing gifts of my new friend and companion for all he has to teach me. And with His and your permission, I look forward to sharing that journey and adventure with you.

Onward and Upward!

Love - Doug