To the friends and family of Doug Cloward

Saturday, April 26, Doug was admitted to the hospital for a severe case of pneumonia. Later he was diagnosed with mantel cell lymphoma leukemia.

We have been receiving many emails and phone calls expressing love and prayers in behalf of Doug. We have set up this blog for updates on Doug's progress. Thank you all for your overwhelming support and care!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Creative Interpretaion – That Is Not My Reality

Judy and I took a three mile hike across the mountain last night and celebrated the fact that we could. Thanks to the many of you, you whose interest, prayers and faith contribute to that fact. I wish that we could have each of you visit and see the life and feel the love that abounds at our log home at 8,0000 feet about sea level where the sky is bluer than the Robbin eggs, but not so blue as the blue birds. We pray that the days will come when we can host many of you at our mountain home and heritage making retreat.

It was brought to my attention recently, that my vision for strengthening home and family, and the heritage Makers mission, of doing it through the heritage enriching power and legacies of family stories, may leave some folks feeling left out. I refer tho those who feel that the legacy of their heritage would best be forgotten. Those whose stories are too painful to recall, let alone write, may feel like an outsider and have nowhere to turn with my suggestions of the Heritage Cornerstones and Keystone books.

It is true that some, certainly too many, have painful memories of family life that was not supportive and loving. When thoughts of the roots of one's life are filled with neglect, belittlement, abuse and pain it is hard to imagine finding much of anything positive to write about. To those of you who have such roots and such concerns for your future with Heritage Makers, I offer the following experience and insight for your consideration. And, I assure you that there is both place and great need for your experienced based participation and for your embracing of the need for our vision and mission. We need your leadership and example.

A friend of mine who is the founder and owner of another very successful direct selling company has a phrase that he uses every time someone points out why he can't do something he wants to do. Whether the reason is financial, practical and sometimes even legal, if he is blocked from pursuing his vision by one of these "why nots", he simply and firmly informs the naysayer, 'well that is just too bad, but "that is not my reality". And then he moves ahead and does it anyway, in spite of someone else's perception of what he could or could not. And he thereby proves his point. It wasn't his reality.

He is not ignorant of the facts, nor is his a simply "to heck with them" attitude. Rather, here is a man who has learned to create his own reality, in spite of what others see as limits to that determination. You might even say that he finds purpose, joy and opportunity in finding out what others think he can not do, and then he proceeds to do it anyway.

In studying his life I find that he has become a master at what I call "creative interpretation." When others see obstacle he sees opportunity. In fact he uses the obstacle as a stepping stone to his achievement and success. Spoken another way, what blocks his way, is his way to success.

Now, back to those whose own heritage was filled with pain and neglect, and who don't want to continue those values, or lack there of, and the traditions that were painful and demeaning. And to those who simply had no heritage to bring forward, I offer this insight. You have the grand privilege of applying the creative interpretation principle to determine what the significance of the events of your youth will be in your future. Clearly you can not change the facts, but you can determine the meaning and so what of the facts.

Those without heritage in their roots may plant and grow a new from the seeds of their own desire and vision a heritage of their own. They can be the authors of a first generation of values, traditions and relationships that are both worthy and laudable. You can change the meaning and influence of the past in the present. By how you think about, speak about and write about your past, in the present, you can change its effect on you in the future.

You can write your own stories, the cornerstones of your heritage, based on what you learned from those relationships and experiences. The tragedies turned triumph are the stories that move us most to be bigger, better, stronger, wise, kinder and successful. The Keystone book of What it Means to Be a ____, can be what it means to be you, if you do not have a family. It can be an expression of a brand new heritage of your own making if you were not bequeathed one.

In short, we are the authors of our own stories and heritage. We can choose what part of our past that we want to bring into our future and what part to leave in the past. Perhaps the grandest part of the adventure of life, especially family life, is that we get to choose, to say what is, to create the story - if we will. And then we get to help others become the builders of their heritage too. They can design, blue print and construct a heritage of their own, with you are the consulting architect.

Another powerful thing about creative interpretation is the healing that comes when you seriously look for the silver lining and the gifts that were delivered with garbage wrapping paper. Your attitude about your heritage can heal the past and enrich the future of your relationships, even with those who injured, or ignored you. You can rise above your past and you can raise others from your past with you. Why should you? That's easy, because you are a heritage maker and your can.

One of the great blessings of my illness has been the understanding of how priceless forgiveness is in the grand scheme of things. We cannot repent for the mistakes and sins of another person, but we each have been given the divine gift of bestowing forgiveness upon those who "sin" against or injure us. The act of forgiving another person, family member, past or present, is a gift we give ourselves to free us from caring their debt of guilt and justice. It is a gift to them to allow them to start anew with us and leave the past and ts pains and sorrows behind. Only the Master can forgive sins that prevent us from fellowship with Him, but we can heal our own bruises by forgiving our bruisers.

We can build a new and lasting heritage that does not carry forward painful or destructive traditions of our past. This opportunity to stop the cycle and start a powerful positive legacy for our selves and our families is the great equalizer in heritage making. Lets use it an dteach it effectively and gratefully.

Onward and Upward

Love
Doug









7 comments:

Jennifer Knight said...

Thank you for this post! Kathy Grove and I were just talking about this yesterday, anticipating possible "I can't" from other consultants or from customers, and brainstorming ways to work around them. Thank you for your guidance - it's great to know we were on the right track.

Lisa Klipfel, M.A., MFT said...

Here, Here. I have a poster I use at booths, "What's Your Story?" And periodically I get someone who just stands there immobilized and reply, "You wouldn't want to hear MY story." I usually reply, "By your comment, it sounds to me like you have a very interesting and all the more reason for it to be told." I never ask them further to tell me about their story, but usually they reply (for quite some time) about their most unusual, or difficult life and will end with how they have overcome that adversity.

I'm printing your post. I have a lot of people to share it with.

Lastly, my son often says, "I can't..." whether it's tie my shoes, or something else. It's usually something simple and age appropriate to be struggling with. My mother in law always exclaims with great passion, "there is no can't". I find myself reiterating those words to myself at times.

Thank you again for your inspiration and motivation.

Lisa Klipfel...and my mother in law

solpro2000 said...

I just joined Heritage Makers a little over a week ago. I am so proud to be a part of this company. Thank you for this post! I know I can! I just want to share this with everyone I meet because we all have a story, good or not so good, and we all make our endings. No matter what I have become in my life, the most important thing is what I leave my family with.

Ruth Solberg

Kathi Lally said...

Dearest Doug, I never ceased to be amazed by the divine wisdom in your postings. Thank you for providing a framework with which to bridge the gap for those who have survived less than shiny circumstances. There is such truth in the statement that we have all been given the ability to extend forgiveness...it is from this place of forgiveness that dreamers can finally see and touch the silver lining, which is the fabric from which they are able to make their dreams a reality. May our God continue to bless you, as you deliver these golden nuggets to us!

Brenda Kruse, AD-RITR said...

Doug, As always, very well said. And the perfect statements to put me at ease as I'm in a similar situation where "what it means to be a [LAST NAME]" is not the story I want my children to create as that's not the tie to a positive or historical perspective.

Instead, I will start their books as "what it means to be me" (or us) and focus on what we DO have (or intend to have) as a legacy and heritage that we're building day by day together. Life lessons to be learned as we go rather than some long trail of generational wisdom from the forefathers.

It CAN work with some creative interpretation and modification. Think outside the box & let heritage happen as it will when life isn't always as "storybook" as others have. Or when the happiest ending has yet to be written.

After all, a really great story has drama & conflict so don't just gloss over the truth for the sake of publishing. Instead, tell the truth, because it's your own reality. Take it or leave it! I intend to take mine & make the most of it for my kids' sake!

Thanks again for giving us both sides of the story and letting those of us know that we are still welcome in the HM family even though our past isn't picture perfect! God bless!


Brenda Kruse in Iowa

Kathy Grove said...

Doug and Judy,

I got your card yesterday, and love to experience that heritage in the making magic that cards can deliver. The card itself was beautiful, and then there were wonderful words written on it! Thank you for your thank you =0). It came on a day that I really needed a card!

Love you and yours!!

Love love love KathyG

Cyndee Krumholz said...

Hi Doug:
Just wanted to wish you a wonderful and glorious Father's Day. I hope you enjoy the day with all of your family. Truly a day to honor their Father; who has been so strong in his faith and love to humanity. We love you and hope you are getting stronger every day. Keep your smile and your wonderful sense of humor. The mouseketeers want to present you with your ears, so get well so you can be with us at reunion.
We love ya!