Greetings from a beautiful Sabbath day!
After last night’s dialysis, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it, but a calm surrender let me sleep and rest until midnight when a shot of lasix had me bouncing in and out of bed relieving the fluids. Even so, the Sabbath dawned brightly and I felt better than I had felt in a long time. My sweetheart at my side with gazes in eyes, squeezes of hands…a reminder that we had yet another day. The doctors determined not to proceed with the Rituxen treatment for fear that my system would not be able to handle the shock. White cell count has dropped to 150,000 (3,000-10,000 is normal) which is a good sign the Chemo is working. The doctor came in to give us the news about the Rituxen and informed he would administer it hopefully midweek after the white cell count has dropped significantly. The prognosis, while day-to-day, appears to be a 21-day cycle for the next round of Chemo, followed by a third, another 21 days out, at which time there will be an evaluation of the progress and consideration of possible trial therapies that may be available including stem cell and perhaps bone marrow transplant.
The day was one of the sweetest of my memory with all family members gathered around, walks in the hallway and even outside, choirs of angel children singing the hymns of Zion and of our childhood--laughter and memories too sweet to describe. Yet I wish that all those who we call family and friends could have been present for the rich outpouring of voices in spirit, memories and love. We had all prayed for a day of miracles. There were so many around the world who we hold dear whose prayers and kind thoughts combined were given to us with miracles of this precious day. Thank you. Thank you!
This afternoon Paul and Becky and family had prepared one of the family’s favorite dishes… Thousand Mile Stew in dutch ovens! They hauled the dutch ovens (via a wheelchair) into the hospital cafeteria where we had a family gathering of a taste of the past and a celebration of the present, to combine hopes and prayers for the future. Paul has been my sidekick counterpart through all these years. He is ever available for help, as is his family.
Following the feast, it was a return to dialysis where the girls serenaded me with two hours of heavenly chorus and other friends and loved ones came to visit. The outpouring of love and reminders of people who care wets my cheeks and my pillows. I feel like I’ve been through four funerals, all for me! They have been wonderful. I highly recommend that each of you should have your funeral before you die. Better yet, make sure that you don’t miss the opportunity with all those who you may not see again, before that notice. Be sure to extend your love and appreciation for their life, contributions, friendship, and love.
I continue to reflect upon the experiences, particularly the past year of insight into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Its wholeness, its miracle, its comfort, and its purpose, and I yearn for those I know who know not what I know, to know. As I look to tomorrow, I’m uncertain of the challenge, but clear of the opportunity to keep swinging, reaching, hoping, praying--WORKING.
If all of this resolves itself and I find myself with more time, I will be a better friend, a more compassionate father and husband, and more committed servant. And I may feel a little foolish for what might otherwise appear to be my own epitaph, but I find the need for expression and healing purposeful. I hope my words ring true and remind you that you are remembered and loved.
‘Til the rooster crows, good night!
Doug
12 comments:
What an inspiration you are and what an amazing family you have. Through your experience thus far I have cried for you, prayed and fasted for you and am reminded of what it means to enjoy each day and to live life to the fullest.
I thank you for the way you have taught me to dream, value my family and relationships and believe in my Savior Jesus Christ. You are faithful, strong and a true Servant of the Lord.
With Love,
Natalie Unga
Dad,
Ahhhh. This is the capstone of my evening--to read the inspiring and moving words from the wisest man I know. Last night I was concerned and scared because of the past couple of days rotten news. I researched online about the disease and was comforted by the many reports that were very optimistic and positive over the past 2 years from the research and treatments available for patients with this type of cancer.
Yesterday I cried like I've never cried before because I couldn't bear the idea of life without my dad and the news of the weekend was certainly some of the hardest to hear. I prayed and prayed and fasted along with so many who love you and need you here. I prayed that Heavenly Father would allow you to overcome this struggle and remain with us for as long as we could have you. I prayed that you would have your strength return and your body react positively to the treatment.
Miracles happen! Our family has been blessed countless time by them and in many cases by astounding ones! Today I saw strength in you again. Optimism and happiness returned and I believe that Heavenly Father has heard and continues to hear our pleas for your success in the battle and your longevity in this mortal realm.
Today was truly a Beautiful Sabbath. God is good, God is great and it is my continued prayer and fast that Heavenly Father let's you tarry with us as long as possible and in the best health possible. I would gladly give all I have--every faculty if it meant that you could be healed and remain for years and years to come.
Thank you for these fantastic blogs and for all that you are.
Marsh
I was excited to read an update this evening. The boys kept asking and I joked that it was the Sabbath and we should not expect an update... I was kind of kidding... so when I finally read the update I laughed out loud.
Your day sounded wonderful. It is amazing to me how in the worst conditions we can find so much joy! Thank you Doug, for the reminder that each day is a GIFT, and we should be joyful. Now I need to get some sleep because later today, I have 5 HM conversations to hold! Several Celebrations to book, and pictures to scan. Regional’s help light a certain fire inside me!
"This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."
See you at Reunion!
Love Barbie
I am so joyed to read such an update. I treasure each nugget of wisdom you share. Know you are surrounded by love and prayers from everywhere.
Love,
Wendy Clifton
Dear Doug
What a wonderful day! I am so inspired by reading your blogs.
Every time I read one I think here is an opportunity...Here is an Opportunity to be reminded, How am I leading right NOW? I am I leading in a positive way or negative way?? What kind of difference do I want to make in my friends, family, business the world and the universe? You inspire me to be greater than I think I am. For that I thank you!
I had a wonderful opportunity to meet you and your amazing wife at the Denver Heritage Makers tour. I was a guest. You spoke of your vision and dreams of were this incredible company was going. How every home would know of Heritage Makers and how the power of story was going to makes a Great difference in people lives! You gave such a clear vision of what was to come, I needed to be a part of it!
I am so passionate about my business! Everyday is exciting! I can see clearly were we will be in in 10, 20, 50 years! It is soooo DANG EXCITING! Changing lives and creating peace.
You and your dream have made a positive difference in my live as well as my family. I am a stay a home mom with kick butt growing business. My goal is to bring my husband home from his 9-5 so we can be a stay at home family! It will happen.
Your spirituality is beautiful, and you have a wonderful family. I pray for you often!
Laughter is the BEST medicine! Have a great chuckle and a hearty laugh!
With much love and gratitude,
Jennifer Zucker
Dear Cloward family,
This is Elisa at the office. I've been putting together snippets of your blog to put in the "Doug's Desk" portion of the May newsletter. Do you know how hard it is to type when I keep tearing up and sniffling?
Thank you for the beautiful words, and the beautiful contributions your family is making.
Here at the home office, our thoughts and all the good vibrations we can muster are all concentrated like a laser beam on you.
Elisa
I happend upon your blog because I have Yahoo search for news on Mantle Cell Lymphoma. I was diagnosed in 2003 and want you to know that you will probably have alot of time. While treatment can be rough, I have had years in which my life was completely normal since dignosis. I still hold my full-time job, and never think about disease except when I have to.
You probably have already found that facing your own mortality is a blessing. I hope you and your family have a little less drama and alot more time together.
In Christ,
Rick
Dear Doug and family,
I want you to know that my love and prayers are with you all. I want to take the opportunity here to tell you how grateful I am for the many hours of sacrifice that it took to make the dream of Heritage Makers come true.
You have changed the course of my life and that of my family FOREVER. Your faith in what you do was so great, it was able to reach me all the way down here in Columbia, South Carolina.
I will never forget two years ago, I got a blessing and I was told to preserve my family history in books, because I was the most qualified to do so. I came away from that blessing wondering where in the world I would find the time and money to accomplish this. I knew that I would find the way to accomplish what I had been told to do. So I prayed to find the way.
Late one night while I was up doing some research on the internet, I saw an ad asking if I had preserved my families memories.
I never click on those ads because they distract me from what I am doing at the moment. I was drawn to follow the link. It brought me to the HM site, and I knew it was the answer to my prayer and the vehicle that would help me to preserve our family history.
I signed up right on the spot as a consultant. I then began to teach myself how to use the publishing system. That was one of the best decisions I ever made. Last year I followed HM from Charlotte, to Chicago, and to Utah for Reunion 2007, and there I came to know firsthand of your integrity and passion.
I will do whatever it takes to make sure my posterity does not have to wonder who they are or from whom they descend. My grandchildren will be able to discover their heritage from books they will pull from shelves in their own homes. They will not have to travel hundreds of miles away to a strange land and wallow in dust to uncover a piece here and a piece there as I have done.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you...a hundred times...Thank you.
I am able to measure the results on my posterity when I look at Adrianne. She stands strong in the face of adversity. Because she knows who she is, those who would sway her end up following her or fading away. I could not have done that with my manila folders filled with outdated documents and sketchy details.
The prayers of our family are with you and your family. May you be blessed in direct proportion to the blessing you have been in the lives of us all.
Love,
Robin Foster-McClure
Doug
You are an amazing person. For having no fear of sharing the love of the gospel that you have with the world. I think that is very admirable! To be going through your trial at the moment and still having the strength to post and let everyone know how you are doing and to remind them of why we are here on this earth.
I have yet to meet you but I was at regional on Fri, and Sat in Santa Ana and heard your words of encouragement over the phone, that was great, there was not a dry eye in the room, I can tell you that. We loved the song you family sang also, it was stuck in my head all weekend. :)
I joined Heritage Makers the first part of April and I love it!
I'm hoping to do you and your awesome company justice here in Bakersfield, CA.
You are in our families prayers.
With love,
Torrie Nicholas & Family
Dearest Doug and family,
You are a faithful servant of Jesus Christ and he will give you the strength and courage you need.
I am so thankful for so many things you have done for me and we've only met once with your wife by your side (as always it should be) in Nashville, Tennessee.
You are a man of God and I want to thank you for sharing everything...My family has been blessed by yours and we will continue to pray everyday and night for you recovery.
Thank you for letting me have the opportunity to met you and your family and be apart of such a wonderful Heritage Makers family.
With Love In Christ,
Terri Harris and family
Doug and family,
May God Bless you! Please know we are praying for the miracle that you SO DESERVE! You have brought love and laughter into THOUSANDS of lives!
God Bless
Missi Prettyman
Dear Doug... I just want to tell you that I'm truly grateful for what you've created so that we can benefit from it as well. Your blog brings back many memories from the time I went through with my first born son. He was born a smidgen early with e.coli blood infection. He was on his deathbed for a few weeks. During those weeks was the most faith filled weeks I've ever had. It was having the knowledge of the Gospel like you have that gets you through every day and allows you to bare other's burdens as you are going through this. I know that you have touched many people including me as you're going through this. Thank you!
Julie Teague
PS Yes I did HM my experience and plan on leaving it in the NICU for other parents to read and hopefully find comfort in my experience.
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