Greetings,
Still here, although yesterday there were there moments when I feared I would not be. The rituximab biological treatment created what the doctors referred to as a fire storm throughout my body. As the treatment targeted the massive lymphoma, killing the cells—the cells released toxic chemicals into my body. I had convulsions, shakes, and nausea beyond my ability to cope. I passed out into the arms of family and medical personal. It was a long 24 hours, but sometime in the wee morning hours, after a moment, I was fairly sure that my time had come. I awoke again to another newness of life and a greater sense of calm surrender—sweet surrender.
I continue to be amazed at the organization, professionalism, capability, and care of my physicians and hospital staff, but mostly, I have come to understand the quiet power in the melodic voices of my children singing by my bedside. They sing the songs of faith, love, and the simple purity of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am so blessed.
I find myself wanting to use what little strength I have to respond back to those of you who are noting and responding to the blog. There have been so many sweet cards -- beautiful gifts of kindness, and outpouring of love. I fear I might forget to mention every one, so I mention the many with special appreciation. Thank you. Thank you for particularly those moments when you bring me into your home, family, and private prayers.
As I look forward to the days ahead, not fully certain of the challenges that lie ahead, I am caught with thoughtful fascination about what will transpire in my mind, from my writing, from the business, from my associates, all these marvelous elements/components of my life are in motion, and I am quite confident to worthy and significant contributions. There is a special place on top of the mountain that I have taken a few of you on the four wheelers where the panoramic view of vistas hold back the world and create a setting similar, I am sure, to where the early disciples sat at the Master’s feet as He explained the simple truths of His gospel, love, kindness, and the attitudes of which we should treat and love one another. I too, would be so blessed to invite His sheep to that mountain meadow to speak of Him and how we might better serve Him by serving one another, especially helping mothers help their children come to know Him, and trust Him, and serve Him.
As we write our stories, let’s remember to infuse them, whenever possible, with gospel principles, attitudes, and perspectives. As we continue to build our own heritage of joyful family life and a legacy of heritage making, let us find joy and reality in this tool of building lasting legacies for families.
Onward and upward-- together! I love you.
Doug
7 comments:
Dear Doug
I hope I don't need to go through what you are struggling through with your magnificent faith and the support of so many family and friends that love you.... to know and appreciate what I have in the here and now. We get so caught up in the 'business' of life that we lose sight of those tiny quiet moments of joy... that only the observant can see. I've missed too many moments in my children's lives by having to go out in the work force and to keep it all together. HM has offered me a way to come home... though I've realized it will be in the Lord's time and not my time. I've had an awakening of myself... to realize I can continue to build a solid HM business, but not fast. It will be sure and steady so I can enjoy everyday moments that are so precious with those I love. Reading your blog has touched my spirit like nothing has before. Thankyou for sharing your experiences with all of us. I draw strength from your strength and pray for your full recovery.
Love Nanette
Dad,
You can't know how wonderful it was to receive a call from you this morning. Yesterday was such a tough day for you and last night late when I sat there with the family praying that you would come through the treatment ok I began thinking of all of the experiences in this life that I have yet to experience and to experience with my dad and my kids granddad. You looked exhausted and in dire need of rest and rejuvenation. I can't imagine what it must have been like to go through the side effects of a powerful drug like Rituximab, but I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father gave you strength and the hospital staff gave you care to get through it.
I thought of when I was in basic training 12 years ago--young and completely unprepared for experience. It was a scary experience to have Military TI's screaming at you and telling you how worthless you were--making fun of and an example of every mistake you made and then getting their TI buddies to join in. I watched several airmen--big, tattooed, some with arrest warrants--break down and cry and submit to the will of the TI. I understood the reason--they had to break you and strip you of your identity and uniqueness in order to teach discipline, respect, honor, duty, integrity and team work. For some of us in the Flight the tearing down wasn't difficult as we did not have a Berlin wall of angst, defiance and baggage that needed breaking first and therefore we were ready sooner to receive the instruction and training necessary to succeed in basic training and be useful military men and women.
Back then I thought it was interesting how in the military you have to be broken to the point of insignificance before you can then be rebuilt and find that you were stronger than before. I think the treatments you are going through are designed to accomplish a similar effect physically. I think spiritually, mentally and emotionally we have all been torn down initially, but then rebuilt stronger than before as we have recognized more powerfully the loving and merciful influence of the Savior in our lives and the answers to prayers and fasting.
Again, when I heard a healthier, happier father on the other end of the phone this morning letting me know that things are going to be all right and that you got though perhaps some of the worst part of the past 2 weeks, it was yet another reminder to me that He DOES hear and answer our prayers. He IS listening and He DOES genuinely love us.
May Heavenly Father grant you continued strength and power in body, mind and spirit and may his loving influence on you radiate to all those around you that we may all stand taller, wiser, more humble and with a greater desire to serve, love and live more richly as he would have us do.
Look forward to having you back home.
Sure love you and you're exactly the kind of person I want to be as I grow up.
Marsh
Okay--I won't forget!
Doug, I want to be selfish to the extreme here. I want to tell you, hold on. When the choice is yours, please hold on. I haven't learned enough yet. I need your example. But I won't ask of you. Not this time. I don't want it to be, but if it is time for you to prepare the way for your family on the other side of the veil . . .then I'll be cheering for you from this side, and I'll look for you when I get there, as I will look for all of my dearest friends. But let's change the subject!
I'll leave you with a line from a song I wrote to my cousin during the last days of her struggle with cancer. Now Doug, I don't want to have to share the rest of this with you, you hear? Not yet anyway!
"You cane as a gift . . . a gift from heaven."
Love love love,
KathyG
Nice. Uhhh...that was supposed to be you CAME, not you cane. :)!
Thank you for using your strength to touch the lives of so many others.
I wish you all the best in everything you do and are.
Doug,
Just received word that you were ill.
We are thinking of you and wish you all the best.
Love, Lori and Dave Moser
Oh Doug.... you are one of the most inspiring and compassionate men I have ever met, you give to the masses and ask so little for yourself. Expressing this very scary time of yours while cheering us on with our trials and victories with HM, makes me feel like you have the much harder. My mother has Stage IV Ovarian Cancer and is now in her last days... receiving her DX just two weeks after joining HM and being her caregiver with my father, them in another state 90 miles away and a very strong woman I will always look up to has opened the arms of many in the who suffer from this terrible disease called cancer... HM has been the perfect key to being able to help my parents and work from where ever I am... StoryBooking has afforded me the opportunity to change the lives of many I come in contact with helping them to express themselves and share their experience with others... what a wonderful thing you and your family have done to make this all possible... Through the gospel of Jesus Christ I am able to look at each day as a blessing and an addition to my life, through HM, I am able to tell the story to all those I love... Thank you Doug for your strength and to your family for sharing you and your gifts with us...
Love, janet
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