Wed Morning: Quiet Thoughts

Greetings,

It was a quite long night. It was restful, but not sleep filled. No pain or anxiety -- contemplation, perspective, and thoughts on the day’s experiences. I am finding myself yearning more each day to express my love for life, for kindness, for people, for service, and for the simple beauties of living. There are have been reflective moments when the veil has thinned, giving me panoramic views that were always there, are always there, if we will look. With those views have come precious understanding about the human family our inner connectedness, and yet a perverse diverseness that divides us from each other. Life has become so very, very simple. Oh, I yearn to have the words to paint the picture of a reality that belongs to each of us, but which we have forgotten in our struggles to be succor and significant. Truly our greatest significance is in our common bond of humanity. Oh, that we would learn.

Yesterday brought three precious moments. During a walk to x-ray, I encountered a little old man and a little old woman, stooped with age and with life -- perhaps in their 80’s. He was holding her hand and smiling gently and walked ever so slowly. I knew that likely before me one or both, would pass—yet there was such joy in their sweetness, in their gentle smile to each other. Then I thought of my own sweetheart, and I smiled. And then standing, looking out the window, I watched the flowering cherry trees as the breeze took the petals to the ground in a ballet of white, flittering beauty. Such a simple view, but such profound beauty. Following the day's transfusions, therapies, meetings with doctors and office coordination, the evening settled with the sun setting, behind my window, on the mountain still covered with snow. The valley lights sparkled brightly. I don’t remember noticing the lights like that before. Bright colored red, green, and blue lights on top of the power station, warning planes away, caught my attention like a child seeing Christmas lights for the first time—awesome, simple, beautiful—they have always been there, but now I notice.

The day ahead: more blood transfusion, but no dialysis. The markers are moving forward positively, the Chemo seems to be doing its job. I will be ready for the rituximab on Friday and likely able to leave the hospital during the weekend. Again, my profound awareness of the many prayers, faith, love, interest reaching hands and hearts that have crossed the miles and the barriers, parted the heavens, secured my health, my family, and I believe, my future, to yet be/do better. Thank you, thank you—my friends and family.

Doug